Book Lovers. . .

This is the last, but certainly not least, Part 4 of the Love Connection celebrating the month of February.  And February wouldn't be complete unless we showed some love for Black History Month.  In honor of it, Mello and June, It's a Book Thang! Book Blog partnering with AAMBC (African-Americans on the Move Book Club), would like you to show your love of Independent African-American Authors by supporting their books.

We would like to thank you, in advance, for taking the time to stop by and reviewing some highly-skilled talented authors.   Reading is exercise for the mind--it broadens the horizon and takes you to places you have never been.  So join us in making new discoveries as we celebrate African-American writers.  There are links you may click to take you directly to these authors' websites and to learn how to purchase.  We're changing the literary world one word at a time.  WriteOn! Writers.  Again, thank you, and enjoy!

Qwantu Amaru

One Blood By Qwantu Amaru

1804. Luc Lafitte, pirate turned founding father, lynches a slave – Isaac, who impregnated his daughter, Melinda. Isaac is Luc’s illegitimate son. Before hanging to his death, Isaac curses his father and all future generations of Lafitte’s who live on their forbearer’s land. Three days after Isaac’s death, Luc Lafitte kills himself at the base of the same tree where Isaac was hung. 1963. Randy Lafitte seeks out a fortune teller on his eighteenth birthday in an effort to resurrect the family curse. Seventy-two hours later Randy’s father is dead. 1973. Randy is serendipitously elected Mayor, after the state’s first black Mayor is apparently assassinated by his wife, Juanita, who escapes and is never apprehended. 1992. Randy’s only son, Kristopher, is gunned down in the middle of gang crossfire, three days after his eighteenth birthday killed at the hands of his only black friend – Lincoln Baker. 2002. Randy, now Governor of Louisiana in his second term, learns his daughter, Karen, has been kidnapped on her eighteenth birthday. The ransom calls for the full pardon of Lincoln Baker. Three days after Karen’s kidnapping, an explosive cocktail of vengeance, manipulation, serendipity, fate, truth, and redemption detonates throughout Louisiana. Randy will stop at nothing to save his daughter and himself, even if it means admitting the curse is real. Even if it means committing greater atrocities. But looks are deceiving. There is something deeper at work here. When the dust settles, the ending is as unexpected as it is illuminating. ONE BLOOD is a story about the power of suggestion and the beliefs that shape our lives. There are secrets sealed in our blood, you see. The best answers, as always, lie within.

Kire Senoj

My Mind’s Eye By Kire Senoj

My Mind’s Eye is a collection of poetic works inspired by what I see, hear, and feel throughout everyday life.


I use words to express the passion and pain of love; the struggles of race; the self-conflicts between sexual orientation and religious freedom; and the ever consistent delirium of genocide within the African American community.


In order to bridge the gap between people of diverse backgrounds, my words have been penned to provoke thought, provide insight, inspire change, and prove that struggles have no respect of person.

Authoress Rae

Abnormal Lives: A Novel By Rae

Simone and Stefan are cousins, who are more like brother and sister, having been raised by their now deceased maternal grandmother. Both of their mothers abandoned them at various ages, leaving them to fend for themselves. Years after their grandmother’s death, the two of them are still residing in her home; sliding under the government’s radar by keeping up the property taxes and hoping that no one will ever notice that she is deceased. In order to make ends meet, they are both prostitutes. Stefan is openly gay and in love with a man named Eugene who is really using him for his money. Simone is living life on the edge and picking up random men who are willing to foot the bill for her special skills. Stefan tries to get Simone to straighten up and fly right, suggesting that they both seek employment at a local bank. While Stefan sees their new positions as a chance for redemption, Simone only views the bank as a way to pick up wealthy men to sleep with for money. After attending a festival in New Orleans, Stefan decides to rip off some drugs from a man he hooked up with; pulling Simone into something that she certainly had not bargained for. Will the two cousins abandon their reckless lifestyle or will their lifestyle lead them both to a tragic end?

Patricia Duncan

A Defining Moment
By Patricia Duncan

Defining Moment is a 9×10 coffee table book that contains a collection of never before seen color photographs and historic speeches that provides an introspective look at the first African American President of the United States. Take another look at the events that led to a time in American History that will come to be known as A Defining Moment.

Jae Henderson

Someday

 By Jae Henderson

As a child Tina “Tee” Long dreamed of having it all and as one of Memphis’ most sought after event planners everyone believes she’s achieved it. Even though creating breathtaking events and rubbing elbows with the social elite seems fulfilling, there’s one thing missing from her fairy tale life—her prince charming. After a string of failed, faith-challenging relationships this woman of God refuses to give up on meeting the man of her dreams. Tee knows in her heart that God will answer her prayers–SOMEDAY. Until then, she tries to remain prayerful and content by occupying her time with work, her sister’s drama-filled marriage and counseling wayward youth. When Tee is introduced to an incredibly handsome, retired NFL player named Michael Stokes, it seems that someday has finally arrived. There’s one problem. He’s been marked for death.

Michael Stokes thought life was over after a knee injury claimed his career as a NFL superstar. He realized just how wrong he was after dedicating his life to Christ and beginning on a wonderful new path as a motivational speaker and book author. He even meets Tee, a woman that makes all the other women he’s dated seem like a waste of time. But when his past comes back to haunt him Michael’s greatest fear is not the loss of his lucrative contract but losing the woman who must be heaven sent. Will Tee accept a man who has a killer on his trail and a surprising new addition to his family? Someday is full of adventure, excitement, thrills, laughter and love as Tee and Michael fight to stay alive in order to stay together.

J. Elliott Howard

Rewritten Lives

By J. Elliot Howard

From a poet-author who is deep in thoughts, sentiments, and experiences comes an emotive and endearing collection of poems that speaks of a myriad of themes and topics.  J. Elliot Howard has Rewritten Lives to share the lessons, dreams, hopes, and longings to others who are willing to listen.


In this poetry anthology, Howard unleashes his profound emotions through poetic verses.  With the ebb and flow of his words, readers will feel the depths of his psyche and the nadir of his heart.  Penning down these pieces, he conveys the unfathomable zenith of his feelings that range from memories, yearnings, conversations, saying goodbye, moving on, life sessions, new beginnings, reminiscences, dark moments, and more.


These poems are Howard’s expressions of what he observes, feels, understands, and accepts of life and love.  They are reminders of years gone by, the people that were, and the sentiments once felt.  This potpourri of lines varies from subject to subject and from one theme to the next, but they all speak of the beautiful colors of life.


In “My Turn Now,” he says, “With each turn of the page of life, through graduation and having a wife tears of joy burn down my cheeks as you have held my hand.” In “Lessons,” he writes, “Our moments are like the sand on the beach. Crystals of memories within reach that in my time of need have formed the rock to meet my every care.”  In “The Final Moment,” he ponders, “Life has its seasons, each season has its moments, and with these moments there are perfect times.”  In “A New Beginning,” he shares, “A newness of life, the coming of a fresh start.  Maybe a needed difference a need for change.”  These and more poignant words are sure to welcome readers as they leaf through the pages of Rewritten Lives.

Armond E. Mosley

Rededication

By Armond E. Mosley

Rededication takes us on that all too familiar journey that many of us have traveled.  Beginning with the “first time”, Armond Mosley shares with the reader some his most intimate moments while providing insight into the vexing reality that faith and sexuality create for a man.  As he wrestles with stereotypes, stigmas and misplaced expectations, Armond eventually comes to a point of decision as a result of God’s divine intervention.  With somewhat of an ultimatum in hand, he chooses to yield to the Lord and commit to a life of celibacy until marriage.  While it would appear that things would get easier from there, in actuality his journey had really just begun.  For the remainder of the book, Armond invites us into his personal journey as a celibate man in his 20’s, the sexual prime of his life.  Though many discouraging moments along the way, Armond continues to faithfully press through until one day, he’s just about had enough.  And in that moment, in a most hopeless and vulnerable state, God shines a light on him and reveals to him “a woman of noble character, whose worth is far greater than rubies."

Rededication is passionate, humorous and most of all honest about the realities of the battle between faith and sexuality.  Armond reveals himself in a most authentic manner in an effort to really connect with the reader.  In each chapter, while the story is about Armond’s journey, the reader will be remiss if they aren’t convicted to recall their own relevant personal testimony.  If you are a Christian, fighting against sexual sin yourself, this book will take you on a journey of restoration that you can apply in your own life.

Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet
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Hey--Mr. D.J.

Many of you know my passion for writing, but some of you may or may not know my love of music.  I’ve loved music ever since the first time I can recall hearing it.  For me, I cannot live without it.  I find when I don’t have music in my life—I don’t fair so well.  Music saved me so many times.  It sooths me when I’m down, it makes me sad sometimes, it makes me angry, it makes me sympathize with others; it sometimes is the only thing that makes my day.  Music lives with me always!

Music is. . .the Essence of my Soul. 

Music is. . . Passion.

Music is. . .God’s Poetry to the Universe.

Music is. . . Universal.

Music is. . .a Breathing Instrument.

Music Releases my Tension.

Music puts Dance in my Body.

Music Evokes Strong Emotion.

Music is. . .my life!



I’ve often wondered just how many love songs exist in the world.  There must be billions, and depending upon which artists you like, your amount of songs may vary.  What amazes me is how many lyrics I know to different songs and not even be aware that I do.  I remember one Saturday afternoon, I was out with my mom treating ourselves to pampering our nails, and I’m not sure which radio station was on, but immediately, I was humming each song that came on and singing the words.  It didn’t occur to me that every single song that played, I knew, until the nail tech looked at me in astonishment.  He said, “My goodness, do you realize for the last 45 minutes you’ve sang every last song that came on the radio in their entirety.”  My mom smiled and advised that she’s used to that because she knows how much I adore music.  But actually, I wasn’t aware I was humming and singing.  It just comes naturally to me, no matter where I’m at.  Music makes me pause and have reflection.

Make no mistake, when I say I love music, I mean that sincerely.  Music is colorblind.  There isn’t a nationality on music.  If it feels good to my soul, regardless of the artist or genre, I love it—period!  I’m not the type of sista that just listens to R&B, I listen to everything, and I do mean ev-er-ee-thing!  I’m what some would call a “true” music lover.  Trust me, you can’t pick a genre that I don’t know some type of music in or something I can’t like.  I find the beauty in all music, and it’s a blast learning of its origin.  I used to love reading album covers, back in the day, and finding out who was responsible for writing the lyrics to my favorite song I was listening to.  I loved when the slip covers inside the albums had the lyrics written, but even if they weren’t present, I have a good listening ear and could figure out what the artist was saying (this was before the Google age).  I still have my albums and I will never throw them away.

Sure enough, I’ll hear the first few bars of a song, or hear the artist’s voice and immediately I’m singing the words right along with them.  Tell me the mind isn’t a beautiful vessel.

There are certain songs that immediately upon hearing them, you will lose your damn mind (at least I do) and you start swaying, raising one hand to the sky, eyelids shut tight and the words pour out of your mouth like a gushing waterfall.  The song takes you to a place where you wish you could reside forever, but for those three to four short minutes while it lasts, the excitement is well worth the ride!

I know so many songs, it would take me years to list them all here in this blog post, but for part three of the Love Connection series, Mello & June, It’s a Book Thang! Book Blog has decided to list twenty of Kim’s favorite romantic/haunting/lyrical songs!  Remember, this Top 20 is Kim’s favorite, and you may not agree, but enjoy the songs nonetheless!   You should be able to find most if not all of these songs on iTunes.com or on your favorite websites, like Amazon.com or eBay.

So grab your partner, sit back and listen to some of the greatest lyrics ever written, and enjoy the music.  And if you’re single, so what, you can still enjoy a damn good song!  Get to jammin’,  y’all, that’s an order!

#20

Fooled Around and Fell In Love -- Elvin Bishop

#19

Love Ballad -- LTD

#18

Yearning for Your Love -- The Gap Band

#17

Turn Off the Lights -- Teddy Pendergrass

#16

Cupid -- 112

#15

Baby Come Back -- Player

#14

Biggest Part of Me -- Ambrosia

#13

Charlene -- Anthony Hamilton

#12

Make Me Say It Again -- The Isley Brothers

#11

If Only You Knew -- Patti LaBelle

#10

I Belong to You -- Rance Allen

#09

Secret Garden -- Barry White, Al B. Sure!, James Ingram and El Debarge

#08

Sara Smile -- Hall and Oates

#07

At This Moment -- Billy Vera and The Beaters

#06

Incomplete -- Sisqo

#05

I Can't Make You Love Me -- Bonnie Rait

#04

Fire and Desire -- Rick James and Teena Marie

#03

I Can't Tell You Why -- Eagles

#02

A House is Not a Home -- Luther Vandross

#01

For the Love of You -- The Isley Brothers

Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet
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A SHIP Docked in Relations. . .

This post is for those of you looking for a relationship in the long-term, such as marriage.  If you aren’t interested in marriage, well. . .this post is not for you.

When you love someone, it is true that the heart wants what it wants.  It’s not like a faucet where you can turn it on or off, although one would get the sense you could do that with the way people fall in and out of love.  As I mentioned last week, I’ve never been one to do that.  For me, regardless as to how my relationship may have ended, it still hurt when you know you’ve vested time in someone, hoping and praying that this time it will be the right person for you—only to discover you’ve found another dud.  I’ve been there, done that, and I’m so thankful I have a man that I adore and love tremendously because from what I see out here in the dating world today, I’d be in trouble.

But, finding the right person can be frustrating, tricky and downright exhausting.  In no way am I an expert, but I have some experience when it comes to dealing with relationships—seeing as how I’ve had quite a few in my time.  One of the biggest problems I’ve noticed is that people really don’t know themselves the way they should.  What do I mean, you ask?  If you aren’t comfortable in the skin you’re in, decision making, how you view yourself, or self-esteem issues—bottom line, if you don’t have your life together—how the hell do you think you’re going to be able to handle a relationship?

Know Yourself and Your Partner!

One reason why relationships fail is because you barely know yourself, so how can you get to know someone else, when you don’t have all your stuff together?  If you don’t love yourself, then how can you give love to someone else?  The problem for many people is you know your partner intimately, first.  Any time you go out to the club, meet a man/woman that appeals to you, invite them over, sleep together, and then you give this person the key to your place, and suddenly you’re in a relationship!  Sorry to disappoint you, but you’re in lust, not love, and lord only knows what kind of relationship—if you can call it that!  You wonder why you hear or read horrible stories about men and/or women hurting babies/children only to discover the child(ren) has been beaten, sexually assaulted—or worse, killed.  Some of you have the audacity to teach your children stranger danger, and yet you welcome home a stranger (you just met) to their home, and expose them to possible danger, all because you didn’t get to know who you were really dealing with!  Do you see the irony?  Why chance someone you really don’t know with all your worldly possessions and child(ren)?  Make sure you know who you’re dealing with before you unwillingly invite the devil to live with you and your kids?

Exercise Control!

What about the woman who is in a troubled relationship and sees the red flags her man is waving knowing she should leave him and discovers she’s pregnant?  If you thought it was bad enough being in a horrible relationship, now you have a baby to worry about and you’ll forever be tied to this man because you made a baby with him.  What happened to meeting someone and being friends first and then seeing where the relationship goes?  Many of you are so concerned about the sex and fall deeply in lust, not love, and wonder why you end up single again?  You don’t have to become victim to this.  There’s a little simple thing you can do—it’s called ‘control’ people!  And no, I’m not talking about Janet Jackson’s Control album—but with the same intent though. Women, just like men, think with the wrong heads too—don’t get it twisted!  You are not going to die because you don’t have sex!  This is why many of you have issues with relationships because you go into them with ‘sex only’ and then wonder why things get crazy down the line.  You don’t know anything about each other.  The only things you have in common are your shared bodily fluids—which could potentially lead to your death, but nine times out of ten, you’re not even thinking about that.  And you have the nerve to question why things didn’t work out?  Go figure!

Giving In!

Another huge issue is people give way too much of themselves in too little time.  In the beginning phases of a relationship, you are supposed to be learning each other—like what makes your partner tick, where their mindset is based, what are their aspirations for the future, etc.—not what turns your partner on!  You shouldn’t be concerning yourself with shacking up, nor having children, when you are getting to know each other. 

I don’t understand my sistas who have babies out of wedlock, and then get upset when the man doesn’t ask for her hand in marriage.  Well, what the hell did you expect?  You made it way too easy for him.  As I mentioned last week, “Why buy the cow, when the milk’s for free?”  What’s the damn point, seriously?  You sit around playing ‘wifey’ without the paper or the ring, and then get upset because he won’t marry you.  If you respected yourself this would never occur.  Make the man work for it and show him you’re worth putting a ring on your finger.  Continue to take things slow, set some damn boundaries and let him know where you are coming from—which brings me to another issue.

Time Limits!

Grown folks play way too many games—and no, I’m not talking about your Milton Bradley board games either.  If you’ve met that special someone that you think is the one, then make sure you let that person know just what you expect out of the relationship.  Don’t be sitting there for almost two damn years, and you never mentioned you wanted to be married, and then think you’re going to spring that news on your partner present day.  You may not like the reaction you get, which I can’t say I blame them.  Communicate with each other instead of sexing each other!  Your goal should be learning your partner so you are both on the same page!

Once you let each other know what you expect, you can decide if this is a relationship worth continuing?  You may find that each want something different, which is cool, but you need to let each other know that from Jump Street!  If, however, you decide you do want to be married in the future, this would be a good time to set a time limit.  Yes, you heard me right, a damn time limit!   Do you know how many of my girlfriends’ engagement parties I’ve gone too, only to be six and seven years later, and we still haven’t been to wedding one yet?  Time limits, people!  Hear me loud and clear on this!  Depending on how long you want to wait to see if it’s the right thing to do, is up to the couple, but as for me, two years is all I’m willing to wait.  If after two years we still aren’t getting anywhere and nothing is definitive, (set in some kind of stone) regardless if I love you or not, I’m gone—period!  I have exes for a reason!  If you don’t stay true to yourself, don’t expect your partner to.

Never Compromise Respect!

Everyone talks about ‘respect’ all the time.  I get so tired of people using that word and not truly knowing the real meaning behind it.  When you tell your partner how you feel and where you see your relationship heading and the clock is ticking, if your partner can’t respect your direct approach, that’s your cue to leave—period!  There is no compromising your feelings when it comes to spending the rest of your life with someone.  This is why it’s so important to communicate with each other.  You must respect each other’s views and feelings; otherwise there is no point in being together.  You don’t have to agree with your partner’s views, but you must respect where they are coming from.  Have enough respect and dignity for yourself to know when things aren’t working out for you.  But no matter what, never compromise your values for the sake of someone else.  That’s respect people!  Loving yourself enough to put you first is respect.  Again, how can you respect someone else, when you don’t even do it for yourself!  Practice what you preach!  So if you’re going to talk that whole respect thing, you better make dame sure you do it for yourself, before you spout that ‘respect’ to your friends! 

 The Royal Flush!

When a person you meet realizes that you love and respect yourself, you’d be amazed what that can accomplish for you in a relationship.  It lets your partner know that you mean business, so this way the games are left for children to play.  However, having said that, some people set up timelines and talk the talk, but fall short of the walk.  When that happens, you’ve given in to someone because you have feelings for this person.  Ok, let’s say for the sake of argument, you do this, what you have just done is proven to your partner that you aren’t serious and that he or she may do to you what they wish—making you a human toilet.  Your partner now knows that you were just full of hot air, and will give you nothing but loads upon loads of shit because you will take it.

This is certainly not the way you want to start a relationship, nor do you want to be in a relationship like that.  Never allow someone to dump all over you because they know you have feelings for them.  Sure, it’s hard to walk away from someone you love.  Hell yes it’s hard, but if you are truly down for the whole respect thing, you’ve got to put your foot down.  When you discover that your time limit has run out and he or she still isn’t acting as though they want to be married, what is that telling you?  Why would you continue to be this person’s fool?  One thing should be extremely clear; your feelings aren’t being considered by them!  If they cared about you, marriage shouldn’t be an issue.  And let’s face it, twenty-four months is a good bit of time to decide whether you want to be with someone or not?  You can pretty much find out if you can put up with this individual or not.  So, when you’ve reached the expiration, and you’re being met with resistance, you have a decision to make.  If you don’t mind being shitted on, then you may continue to be the toilet you’ve allowed your partner to make of you!

I’m not sure about you, but my mother birthed a human being, not a toilet.  So taking one’s shit isn’t something that’s going to go down smooth for me!  I don’t eat turds, but I see so many of my friends, who are still single, swallowing whole logs of turds daily just to say they have a man/woman.  Where’s the damn respect in that?

Be ‘Very’ Specific?

If there’s one thing relationships have taught me is what to ask God for.  What’s that you sayin’, you ask?  Yes, I prayed to my god when I was single that He would send me a man.  It wasn’t until after a few failed relationships that I realized god sent me just what I asked for—a man!  I failed to mention to Him what kind of man I wanted.  When I say be specific, I mean just that.  If you’re looking for a partner, you better make damn sure you tell your god what kind of partner—god-fearing, handsome, someone who loves his/her family, has religious values, treats his/her mother and children right, has a job, physical health, how this person lives, etc.  You may be laughing at that, but I’m dead serious.  God answers prayers and He has one heck of a sense of humor.  Think I’m kidding?

I kept saying to Him, I want a man, Lord, someone I can share my time with.  And that’s just what he sent, a man with no good redeeming qualities whatsoever who made my life a living hell.  So yes, I had a man and he shared my time, but what kind of quality was it?  I had the nerve to wonder why after three months my relationship was heading south.  At the time, it didn’t occur to me that some of my exes just weren’t any good for me, but I had a man!  Get my point!  He was a man in the sense of being born male, but that was it—he wasn’t being the man I needed him to be.  Just because you have a woman or man, doesn’t make them one.  It’s the qualities of these individuals which makes a person a woman or man.  The qualities I needed, I never asked God for that, so he answered my prayers as I sent them up to him.  This is why I say you better be very specific with what you want God to send you because He will.  Oooh yes indeed He will!

Once I realized the constant mistakes I was making, I made a pack with my god and told Him flat out, if I cannot have the type of man I’m asking you for, I’d rather be single for the rest of my life, and I meant that.  I clung to that each and every time I felt myself possibly slipping into my old ways.  I took full control of my life and changed my ways.  It was right around this revelation that my husband entered the picture.
 

In Due Time!

Like I mentioned above, relationships are tricky.  You have to find out what best works for you and stick to your plan, but above all, you must be patient!  Another thing I’ve learned is that while you are single, there’s a difference from being alone and being lonely.  It was very frustrating trying to find the right fit for a relationship, but while I waited for the right man to come along, I used my time wisely by busying myself with other things to do.  I didn’t sit around thinking about ‘wanting a man’ every second of the day.  I worked on myself and got ‘me’ together—that, coupled with not worrying over men, is when god opened the door and in walked my husband.  Of course, at that time, I wasn’t aware he would be my husband, but we started dating, became the best of friends, and within a year he asked to marry me.

My girlfriends love the story of how my husband and I met, but they especially love what he said to me the very first time we talked on the phone.  “I’m not looking for a girlfriend!  I’m not looking for 'just' a woman!  I’m not looking to ‘shack up’!  I’ve been there and done that and I’m sick of it!  I’m looking for a wife!  If you’re not interested in marriage, we don’t need to finish our conversation.”  My jaw dropped.  You see what I mean by not playing games.  I hadn’t even met him in person, but we spoke on the phone and that was our very first conversation.  Hell, I was falling in love with him just from that.  Finally, I got it right.  That’s the type of man I was looking for.  He wasn’t about games; he was about taking care of business and finding a wife to share that with.  Well thank you Jesus!  Of course we waited another year and we were married, so our plan fit within my time limit, and his, by the way!

And the rest, as they say, is history, but I’ll say this.  We talked about everything before we were married.  We didn’t leave any subject unturned!  I knew exactly where he was coming from and visa versa, which is what I’m advising you.  You have to be on the same page and when you’re not, well; chaos and broken relationships are what you will be left with.

I’ll tell you something else, if you do things ass backward, don’t expect to move forward! Get your mindset correct, and everything else will, more than likely, fall into place!  Love Yourself!

Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet
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Love and Hip-NOT Hooray. . .

Everyone has his or her own idea of what Love is supposed to be.  I don’t know anyone who doesn’t go out of their way to find it.  Love is like “what’s the meaning of life?”  It’s something we try to figure out, and some of us get it, while others never quite get to know love’s full potential.

One thing I do know when it comes to matters of the heart, you can’t make your heart feel something it doesn’t—nor can you change who you fall in love with.  Love is one of those emotions that is nearly impossible to control—in fact, you can’t control it, which makes it such a hard thing to deal with.  This is why I’ve always wondered about celebrities and their romances because one minute they are so hot and bothered over a particular person, and then a few months down the road, or a year later, they break up, only to turn around and be in love with someone else.  I don’t know about how you love, but for me, my heart doesn’t just get over someone that easily or that quickly.  It almost makes you question the sincerity of that love in the first place.  Can anyone say Kim Kardashian?

Okay. . .so I watch some Reality TV on my computer, when I can’t find anything on regular television, and I have to say my all-time favorite is Love & Hip Hop.  Many of my friends were shocked to learn I even watch the show because they know how much I hate Reality TV and I don’t watch television much at all, but when I need a diversion from writing, I try to find something that will catch my attention.  So one day I was surfing the net for something to watch, and stumbled across VH1’s Love & Hip Hop.

I remember watching the first episode and thought I’m not going to watch this mess, but the chaos in that show made me click the next clip, then the next clip, and so on and so forth.  I got hooked, but not for reasons you may think—simply because I couldn’t believe the stupidity of the show, and how desperate these women are!  Makes me question if they watch episodes of themselves?

At first, I wondered how VH1 got the name for the show, but quickly got my answer watching Chrissy, Emily and Kimbella fight, not only with each other, but for their dysfunctional relationships with men.  Right off the bat, I was thinking why would these beautiful black/latino women put up with this foolishness from these men?  What the hell do they have that makes them such a fool over them?  One friend of mine said they are ‘dick-ma-tized,’ and I fell out laughing, but the golden rod is one theory.  Another friend said they are attracted to the money, and I struggled with that theory because none of their men seem to be doing all that hot in the industry!  In fact, I didn’t know much about the rappers on the show, until I began watching.  It’s not like they are in the same status as 50 Cent, Jay-Z or Kanye West—ok, perhaps Fab.  So I’m not buying the whole money thing.  Hell. . .if they were all that, why are they on reality television?  I was then advised by a friend that perhaps they really love their men, and even though their rods and money may play a role, how about they actually truly love them!  Ummm, not so sure I buy that either, but I was willing to examine the theory.  Just how far does one go for love?

Before I get into the crux of my blog post, I just want to advise that my opinion may offend some of you, and if that should happen, it’s my opinion, not fact—at no time do you have to agree!  Also, I’m going to be speaking on the characters in Love & Hip Hop and for anyone who makes claim that I have no right, I want to remind you that when you put your business out for the world to see, I have every right to comment on it.  Now that I got those things out of the way, I will continue with my thoughts.

I like Chrissy (main character of the show, and Rapper Jim Jones’ fiancé).  She’s a tough, street-savvy, fancy dresser, girly-girl type of sista who holds her family down, her friends down, got their backs, would go to the ends of the earth for them, and I like that about her.  I love her directness.  Whatever she says about you behind your back, she most certainly will tell you, straight up, to your face, and won’t back down regardless if you agree with her statements or not.  Kudos to Chrissy on that!  She’s loyal to herself and those she loves.  I love her style.  But, what I don’t like is her childish behavior, the pettiness of he said/she said, always starting fights with women she feels threatened by, and for thinking her word is the only word to go by as if she’s the boss of other adults.  She comes off as a good friend, but she also bullies her friends, and I’m not feeling that!  When Chrissy feels threatened by other beautiful women who got-it-goin’-on better than she, immediately she has a problem with them.  Not cool for a woman in her 40s.  She comes off as an insecure almost middle-aged woman, and should be carrying herself a whole lot better than that for a woman of her stature.  Chrissy’s idea of handling conflict is with her fists, and although I enjoy the occasional knuck-knuck-duke-it-out-catfight, when you’re in your 40s that looks psychotic (much like she called Jimbo’s mother, a/k/a Nancy ‘Mama’ Jones).  I’m like really; this is how you are spending your time—really?  Grow up, I say!

Chrissy’s in love with Rapper, Jim Jones, and personally I think she could do better, but as I started out with this post, when it comes to love, you can’t help who you fall in love with.  The heart wants what it wants.  She’s vested seven years into a long-term relationship with her man, only to still be fighting for him to marry her.  Whoa—wait a damn minute, pump the brakes!  Seriously?  In the first season finale, she threw an engagement party for Jim in which she asked him to marry her.  She stated that there comes a time when your man won’t grow up and be the man he should be, so she had to take the hard line and force his hand, or at least offer hers up.  I was too done.  I’m like ain’t no way in hell.  You hang in there for seven years and I'm supposed to beg you to marry me?!  My whole thing to that is, if, after two years of being in a relationship with a man, and he doesn’t ask for my hand, and we discussed marriage, and he’s not taking the bait, my ass is gone—simple as that!  Not wasting no more of my precious time on a man who isn’t interested in my wants and needs, nor giving me his name.  That’s a huge red flag!  That’s where the old saying “why buy the cow when the milk’s for free,” comes from ladies and gentlemen!  Do you understand it?  She made it too easy for Jim, so why would he rush to marry her.  She’s doing everything a married woman would do, except for that matter of a little piece of paper that binds them contractually under the eyes of the Lord.  Again, hell to the damn no!  Two years tops and this sista would have been a memory in Jim’s mind!  I love myself waaaaay too much to let a man disrespect me in that way.  Instead of more fish in the sea, Chrissy, there are more Rappers in the game sista!  Get a clue!

Mind you, the wedding date still hasn’t been set.  Now we’re into season 2 (which the finale just aired) and Jim finally offers an engagement ring to her while she and her girls were kicking it down in Miami.  (Oh, did I forget to mention Jim lost his engagement ring from season 1, so Chrissy had to buy him another one!  Umm, imagine that—shows how much he cared!)  Fast-forwarding, Chrissy finally got what she wanted—this big ole godly-looking rock called a diamond ring!  Chrissy was full of tears, during the segment when they each speak to the camera personally.  She says Jim finally is loyal to her and her feelings!  He’s finally respecting their relationship.  I’m sitting there literally screaming like, really, are you friggin’ kidding me?  If waiting seven years is loyalty and respect, I’d hate to see what she considers disloyalty and disrespect? (Oh, wait, did I mention she thinks more of the disrespect from her so-called girlfriends.  She puts more stock into the dumb shit they do, but she’s been waiting on a ring for seven years, really?  What about respect from your man?)  Ummph. . .that rod must be spectacular!  She and I definitely have different values, and obviously there’s some misplaced value somewhere along through here!)  But folks the wedding has yet to happen.  I suppose we’ll see what happens in Season 3—maybe!

Chrissy’s good friend, Emily, is a sweet, naïve, shy woman (at least, that’s how she comes off).  She has a good heart and she’s struggling with her own personal demons.  She’s a fashion stylist to celebrities, and a mother of two, a girl and boy.  She shares a son with Rapper Fabolous.  What I like about Emily is that she has a sweet nature and genuinely doesn’t want to see anyone hurt, especially herself.  She’s true to one friend in particular—Chrissy.  What I don’t like about Emily is she plays both sides against the middle, and then when the sides collide, she wants to pretend she doesn’t have anything to do with it.  She reminds me of a school girl who gets information from girls in a group, and when the girls disperse and she’s left with her one true friend, she tells her everything the other girls said about her.  She loves to keep shit going, and when it hits the fan, she tries to move out of the way so none splats on her, but what she fails to realize is she’s got some chocolate residue present—grab a baby wipe and get to cleanin’ sista!

Emily is in love with Rapper, Fabolous.  And once again, as beautiful as she is, why she feels she needs to waste time on this one particular rapper, god only knows, but this is who she loves.  She’s vested ten long years with Fab, who doesn’t seem to give a damn about her one way or the other!  Fab has a huge problem with his rod—keeping it in his pants, and he has no problem disrespecting Emily by parading his other women in front of her!  In fact, when she was pregnant with their son, he was dating fashion model, Kimbella (whom I’ll talk about shortly).  Actually, Fab doesn’t really “date” women, but he sleeps with many.  I suppose one has to get all they can while the getting is good.  However, this is the man Emily’s heart belongs too—problem is Fab doesn’t seem to want it or even realizes the heart is his to have?  How many red flags does one need to wave, Emily?

In season 1, Emily boo-hoo’ed and cried about how Fab disrespects her and isn’t home because he’s out on the road, and while out there, he’s always hugged up with some chick, and messing around.  When Emily scheduled a family photo shoot, Fab was notably absent.  The picture ended up being Emily, her daughter, from a previous relationship, and their son.  The little boy was so unruly and acting up, I was shocked the photographer was able to get the picture done.  The portrait did turn out nicely though.  Emily kept making excuses for why Fab wasn’t at the photo shoot.  She blew up his cell and he never returned her calls.  Then Emily recollects he told her he didn’t want to be on the reality show.  This is a man who is a well-known rapper—has performed in front of hundreds of thousands of people, and he has misgivings about being seen on a reality show?  No, what he didn’t want us to see was the fact that he has a woman and a child.  He doesn’t want us to see him portrayed as a ‘family man.’  Why that might mess up his image and where would that leave him with the ladies?  And yet, she loves this man and has been with him for ten long years without a ring, but plenty of rings around her eyes from crying!  Maybe she can borrow one of them and place it on her finger?  She finally found some strength and decided to start loving herself by moving out of Fab’s house and into her own—or was that just a bunch of hot air?  It’s about gat damn time girlfriend!  She’s trying to concentrate on her life and not so much on Fab’s and so far so good, but his body is calling her or is that the rod’s echo?  Since she left him, he’s been trying to act right, showing up to her fashion show, taking an interest in things she likes, giving her flowers and candy, and wining and dining her—all the things a ‘real’ man loving his woman would do, but ‘hole up wait a damn minute!  Did it ever occur to you Emily that the only reason he sees what he’s lost is because you moved out?  But, sista, remember, that one-eyed rod can be tricky, so don’t be fooled!  Unfortunately, she’s been crying in season 2 about missing him and loving him still!  Girlfriend cries a whole lot and gets on my last damn nerve.  Grow some damn balls!  I am positive they are getting back together, because she’s weak and stupid! I can only imagine what season 3 will show.  But this is love, huh—you can have it?!

Kimbella! Kimbella!  What the hell can I say about Kimbella?  I’m really not that familiar with her, but from all the hoopla she stirred in season 2, I sort of got the feeling that she is not liked by many.  I believe she’s not liked because she’s a beautiful woman, as well, and holds her own.  She displays this self-assured energy, but is somewhat misplaced by her upbringing.  She’s a fashion model, fun-loving, and free to be herself, and she represents the ‘Kimbella’ brand well.  I love the fact that she’s definitely true to herself, and she appears to be strong when it comes to her business and child, but when it comes to girlfriends and men, she’s got some issues.

Kim was introduced to season 2’s opener by getting into a heated exchange with Chrissy, a woman everyone seems to be terrified to cross—Kim didn’t know what she was dealing with!  My jaw dropped as I watched the fight unfold.  I thought what a way to start the damn new season.  The whole Chrissy/Kimbella catfight (or rather a one-sided brawl) started when they were all over Emily’s new place, celebrating Emily’s independence, and Kim felt the need to advise her that she had once dated Fab a few years ago.  Emily asked for the timeframe of when Kim and her man were dating, and she mentioned about three years ago, and Emily revealed that was about the same time she was pregnant with Fab’s baby.  Chrissy was outraged that Kim would even dare bring up the fact she had dated Fab at all, but to bring it up during Emily’s celebration of independence, was just rude, inconsiderate and downright mean!  So Kim makes the statement to Chrissy that it wasn’t about her, but between Emily and her.

Chrissy pretended to get up to go to the bathroom, and cold-cocked Kim right in her face, and the catfight officially began.  Needless to say, the camera crew and the ladies had to pull Chrissy off of Kim.  In Kim’s defense, she didn’t realize Emily was pregnant with Fab’s baby at that time, nor did she know she was his “woman” per se.  It didn’t matter to Chrissy either way because she took it personal that she came over to her girl’s house ‘disrespecting’ her by talking about dating her man. (Chrissy’s upset over Emily’s disrespect—aaah, something is seriously wrong with this picture? What about getting upset over the lack of respect your man has for you?  Fight for that!)  But it didn’t matter because Kim has love troubles just like Chrissy and Emily.

Kimbella is in love with Rapper, Juelz Santana, formerly of The Diplomats also known as the Dipset, who Jim Jones is also associated.  Once again, a beautiful woman who got her own money, holding it down, is in love with Juelz.  They share a son and have been together for about three or four years.  She had a meeting with her mother wherein she expressed she was upset about her ‘upbringing’ because her mother did everything for her father, but did little to help her children.  Kim stated she basically raised her two brothers by herself, and is a little angry with her mother that she didn’t teach her the values and things she needed to be a woman and the rights and wrongs of a relationship.  She expressed in her camera time that she wants to get married to Juelz, but she needs to get to know him better before she goes to the next level.  Hmm, excuse me Kim, you have a son with this man, but you need to get to know him better before you go to the next level?  Are you friggin’ serious right now?  Did those words really come out of your mouth?  OMG, shoot me now!  But anyway, she also expresses her woes to her brother and he said she would be OK!  Well, could somebody explain this to me, please?  I’m not okay as a viewer!

So Kimbella’s bombshell for the finale of season 2 is she’s pregnant again with Juelz’s baby—obviously she’s still getting to know him?  She springs this news on her parents.  Her mother looks sick and figured it out before she could tell it, and her father didn’t say much of anything.  I’m watching her son run around, and now she’s got number two in the oven, and to top things off, Juelz got arrested again for a beef he got into at some nightclub and his bail is set at $46,000.  She now says she’s got some things to worry about, and her mother’s advice is that she shouldn’t venture down this road again.  Ya think?  Perhaps mama should have advised that two children ago?  Talk about a day late and a dollar short?  She also asked when Juelz was going to put a ring on her finger, and Kim just sat looking like a deer caught in the headlights.  But the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree cause her mother didn’t marry her father, who was sitting right beside her mom.  So I suppose she has every right to be pissed at her mother for not teaching her right; however, she taught her exactly as she wanted her to learn, and Kim is doing a great job at it—a single-mother of a child and soon to be two without marriage.  Bravo!  Well done!  I’m reminded of Beyoncé’s Single Ladies (Oh, but wait, it took Jay-Z eight years before he put a ring on it, so bad example!)  My bad!

All three of these beautiful sistas got some love issues and I think VH1 needs to change the show’s title to Questionable Love & Very Little Hip Hop!  So, this is talent today, really?  This is how one becomes a megastar?  I wish those ladies the best, but something tells me they are going to be quite alright—after all, they are making that paper!  Season 3 is coming!

In the spirit of February being the month of love, this post is one in a four-part series.  I want women and men to realize, you must learn to love yourself enough to know when it’s time to move on and not allow people to treat you any old kind of way.  People do to you what you allow them to do!  You deserve so much more than that, and if these three women’s stories don’t teach you what not to do, then nothing ever will!  Wake Up and stop being a damn fool!  I’m a writer and I can’t come up with drama this good—well, that’s not totally true, but you get my point!  Love YOUrself!

Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet
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