Recently, I've had a great deal of eye-opening experiences, and I'm not exactly sure what these messages mean or what I'm supposed to do with them, but I suppose I'll make the best of it. I remember when I was a child, one of my English teachers told me she saw a great deal of potential in me, and especially my writing. She said, "Kimberly, one day you're going to write great things because you have a special way of delivering a story. The more you experience in life, the better you will write."
For the longest time, I wasn't quite sure as to what she meant. That is, until now. What she was conveying to me is that I needed to experience more pain, explore more living wherein my writing would have more substance, and I get it now. Perhaps this is why when people do read my stories or my poetry, they identify with them so much.
I've often been asked what drives me, and honestly, at the time, I wasn't quite sure, but I think I have my answer now. It is pain that drives me the most. When I'm my happiest, I can write, but it's not when I'm happy that I do my best work, it's usually when something horrific happens to me that my A-game is tight, and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing?
It would seem to me that I should be able to write a multitude of things that bring people to a happy place, and I do, but I also have this dark side that tends to lead me more which is where I find the substance and ambiance for my stories. I do a great deal of meditating. When I meditate, I find that my mind holds several openings with doors, and depending on the emotion I am feeling at that time, depends on which door I may open.
It was through meditation that I wrote Mello and June, which also led to another gateway, my current novel, Silent Knight. My emotions are the keys that open these doors in my mind, and it takes me to places that I sometimes wished I had forgotten, but for whatever reason, once that door opens, I cannot close it until I finish writing whatever it is I'm to write. It then becomes my characters that drive me to their location, and tell me what it is I'm to do. My mind constantly haunts me and it never shuts off.
I've gotten so good at meditation, that I'm amazed at my mind's total recall. I don't have a photographic memory, but I most definitely have touches of it. Sometimes there's an odor that will cause me to go to a specific place in time, or something someone says that will bring back a memory. When I get stuck on something to write, I immediately kick into meditation and there will be a door that's halfway open, and I use my emotion to summon up the memory. As soon as I do that, unbeknownst to me, I'm writing what I see, and before I realize it, I'll look at my PC and, like that, a chapter is finished. It's as if someone else has taken over me, and I'm being used to filter what they want me to relay.
The memories that open the most are the ones where people have wronged me in one way or the other, and I use that pain to write and bring my characters' lives to the forefront, so this is why many of my fans say they can really feel, see and hear them. Many of you have been writing me lately and expressing that you'd like to see my work produced into a film. Humph, so would I. Will that happen? One can never know, but I appreciate the kind sentiment anyway.
I used to wonder why it was that certain situations presented themselves to me? Why is it that I was supposed to be in this particular place and time at that very moment? Why me? I still don't know the answers, but I guess you could say that's what makes me a writer, and why I'm driven to still do it. It's the one avenue where I have all the control, and no one can take that from me. Writing is my power and it courses through my veins. Writing makes me high, and there's no pharmaceutical company that could produce such a feeling, and it's not something you can find on the street or bottle it up for profit.
Living drives me to do what I do. When an individual does something distasteful to me, I may get into a heated argument with this person, but later that night, I get even by writing about it. Does this hurt the individual that hurt me? Not in the sense that they would ever know about, but I do have a way of getting even with those through mere words. I'm not always great at conveying my true feelings to a person face-to-face, but, give me a pen and pad, and I can be one of the most eloquent and prolific writers you've ever seen.
There is nothing in this world that I'd rather do than write. I love words and they love me. So, in closing, I wrote a poem years ago entitled The Impossible and it won me an award. It deals with escaping one's mind, which, as you know, is impossible. You can run from many things, but you can never run from your mind's eye. I know this better than anyone.
So writers, what drives you? Evil doings, good nature, a picturesque scene, family, money, church, insanity, confusion, depression, jealousy, etc. What makes YOU driven? Until next weekend. . .
|Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/International Poet|