Saturday, November 5, 2011

An Attack of the Lazies. . .

Hello Fans:

I'm what you'd call a nostalgic type of person, and although we are rather used to technology, I still prefer the old-fashioned way of doing things.

For instance, remember the days when we stayed connected to family and friends by picking up the phone and calling them?  Remember when people would play on your telephone, and there wasn't any caller ID to identify the person or persons on the other line?  I remember when two-way calling was a big thing, and it blew my mind when three-way calling was introduced.  Why, this meant I could talk to two of my girlfriends at the same time.  And I thought that was technology.  Now we have cell phones and blue tooths extended from our ears to reach out to people.  We text friends, even if we're sitting directly across from them, because it's cool to do.  There are Smart phones and iPhones and every kind of phone imaginable to man~~phones that can start your car, watch movies, play your music, pay bills, do your banking, turn on your lights in your home, and pretty much anything we need our phones to do.  Your whole life is on a tiny screen, big enough to fit in the palm of your hand, being sucked up by electronic chips.  God forbid you lose this lifeline!

Do you remember when manual typewriters were the only way to type a paper?  I wore out several in my lifetime.  Changing those old ribbons, using my hard eraser with the brush attached to the end to fix errors.  I set those keys on fire.  The bell would ding at the end of a sentence and I'd press the return bar to go to the next line.  If you wanted to bold a word, you'd have to go back over the word several times and pray you didn't poke a hole through the paper.  When electric typewriters came out, I thought I had struck gold.  The keys were much easier to press, and there were different balls you could use to change the font of your typing.  I wore out several of these too.  And when electronic typewriters came out, well. . .now I could store several sentences in there and depress a button, and voila the typewriter would type by itself.  My electronic typewriter had a display window that lit up in blue and I could see the words I was typing before it hit the paper.  I thought that was awesome.  Technology made the typewriter smarter, and now typewriters are almost extinct.  What a sad day!

Do you recall when you played games as a child, this wasn't done in front of a TV screen, you actually went outside and had physical playing time~~kick ball, dodge ball, baseball, basketball, roller skating, bicycle riding, jump roping and hopscotch.  And when that got boring, we'd make up games just for the hell of it?  I remember a game we made up called Freaky Friday wherein any girl who wore a skirt that day, had the potential to become a target for a boy to lift up your skirt and make you the laughing stock of the crew, and unfortunately, yours truly was made to wear skirts everyday because I was brought up that ladies wear dresses, and not pants, so I had to learn to run extremely fast, so the boys never caught me.  Do you know how tired I was of running from those nasty boys on a Friday afternoon?  In those days, I could out run most of the boys, and they always marveled that they could never catch me.  But we had a wild and vivid imagination.  Remember imagination?  Now kids only want to text on their cell phones, or play their Playstations and Xbox, Ninetindo and lord knows what other devices they have.  Imagination has been erased!

I remember when we played our first electronic game.  It was a black screen up on the TV, with a white line down the middle and one white square peg on one side and another on the other.  We had these huge joysticks (which remind you of walkie talkies, if any of you remember those) that could make those square pegs play like a tennis match.  You could control the degree of difficulty by a switch button on the huge device.  This was a ping pong game played on the TV.  My brother and I used to play the hell out of that and nobody could tell us nothing.  We had hit the big time, jack.  Oh yeah, we were playing an electronic game.  (laughter).  When the Atari game came out with the 2600 electronic game, I think we drooled for a few minutes.  What the hell has happened?  We got a game that we can play in color with these colorful square looking figures on the screen.  The games had to be inserted into the large device.  They appeared to be the size of an 8-track tape (am I going back too far for some of you?)  And when the Atari 5200 came out and I was introduced to Donkey Kong and Pacman, well, just shoot me now, I couldn't believe my eyes.  We were only allowed to play after our homework was done, and no longer than an hour, and then outside for a little, and back in to get ready for school.  Where did those days go?  Ummph.

Do you remember when you'd look in the want-ads for a job, find the company you were interested in, write a cover letter and attach your resume (in the hopes of being contacted for that interview) and send it on its way in that blue box that stood outside on your sidewalks in your residential area?  No, you don't?  It had U.S. Postal Service on the side of the box?  Oh that's right, most people use that inbox on their Microsoft Outlook called Email.  You can't wait so see what that little envelope holds in store.   It used to mean something to say you worked at the post office.  Good luck with that now, because due to Email, it's one of the main reasons the majority of our post offices are closing.  We pay our bills, send e-cards and a whole multitude of things with Email.  And, for Christ's sake, why look for a job in the newspaper, when you can read the paper online, right?  Sheesh!

And speaking on how we used to get jobs, that is performed online now too.  You can upload a resume, potential employers can find you, and you can find them, and just like that, it's magic.  If you're lucky, you get a call or an email asking you to come in for an interview, or perhaps a headhunter, those are companies that find job seekers positions and help employers make the right connection, and if the connection is made, they get a fee for getting you the job, paid by your employer, in most cases.  And all that can be done right in front of your PC or Laptop or phone, while you're sitting there in your jammie jams, hair all over your head, and looking rough.  Who cares, the Internet is here, and that's what it was designed for to make our lives better.  Oookay, if you say so.

Remember when you got a job and you went to work, did what you were hired to do, and went on, pretty much about your day, without too many problems, and when someone didn't live up to their job responsibilities, those individuals had something happen to them called "fired!"  Remember those days?  It appears now people can show up to their jobs, sit on their asses, socialize and mess around, and get a paycheck.  Hmm, is that why companies hired people?  Wow, I'm in the wrong profession, obviously?  Remember when you had separate time you could take?  You'd have sick days, vacation days, personal days and some floating holidays.  Now everything is grouped together so if you get twenty days, and you decide you need to take a day for personal reasons, now you have nineteen days left, and so on and so forth.  So much to do, and so little time~~sorry peons!

Do you recall when you were real sick, that coughing and hacking type of cold/flu, and you were too weak to go to work, you'd call in sick, until you were better?  Now, people can be at death's door, walking around with the hootie cooties, coughing, sneezing, barking up half their lungs, coming to work and spreading that wonderful cheer to you because people are afraid they will be looked upon as being weak, and may potentially lose his job.  So, they come and make everyone in your department sick, and it hits each and every one of you, like a damn carousel, until the cooties have left the building, much like Elvis.  Which reminds me, remember when you could open windows and get some fresh air?  Now, you breath recycled air daily, which is why the germs stay, and if someone happens to pop popcorn in your office microwave, and burns it, now you have the pleasure of smelling it most of the day, and don't try mixing in some scented air freshener, cause it then begins to smell like burned popcorn and lemon scent, and that doesn't smell good.  But smokers are the problem?  Hmmm?

Technology hasn't helped us in every sense, what it has done is created lazy ass people.  Why get up to turn a channel on a TV, when you have 100 remotes sitting next to you that will do it for you?  TVs today don't have a turning knob, but there's a manual panel on every flat screen, but how many of you ever get up to use it?  I didn't think so.  In fact, when those batteries start acting funny in those remotes, and you're smacking the back of it, calling it a few choice words, oh you'll get up to find batteries so you can use that remote again, right?   Why read a hard/soft cover book, when you can grab your Nook or Kindle, laptop or PC and read right where you are?  Hell, you can now sync all your devices~~your cell, laptops, TV, PC's, tablets, electronic games together, so they will each do what you want at the press of a damn button.  Your fingers get plenty exercise~~how about the rest of your body?

When Blackberry had a major malfunction with its system, I thought people were literally going to commit suicide, but some did something far worse, they sued the company.  Can you believe that?  Sued because they weren't able to use their precious lifelines for a few damn hours or days.  Has your network at work ever gone out, right while you were on that important project or document?  Has your email gone out and you swore the end of the world was near?  Did panic enter into your soul?  Of course it did.  I guess picking up a phone and calling your coworker never occurred to anyone?  Did the thought ever come to you that perhaps writing on a physical piece of paper to get a message to your coworker could possibly get the job done?  No way, you say?  Nah, never occurred to you, huh?  That's what email was designed for, right!?  We old-fashioned people know how to do things the manual way, and this Generation X is truly lost cause they have no clue.  Anytime you meet a young person that tells you they have heard of a typewriter, but has never used one, what does this tell ya, folks?

But technology is good for us.  It is the key to our future.  Hmm, really?  Why, studying and holding onto information in your brain is a thing of the past, because Google got you covered.  Can't remember the lyrics to your favorite song?  Forgot some ingredients to your favorite recipe?  Trying to remember who was our 34th president?  Well never fear, cause Google, Yahoo and Bing are here to save your brain!  When I hear someone say, I can't remember how to. . .the response is, just Google it.  And we do!  So no need to hold onto information.  But let the Internet go down, and fear and panic sets in.  OMG, what to do, where to go?  How will I make my next breath?  Life is over!   Your local library used to be the place to learn these things, but why bother?  Oh yeah, my industry is dwindling because we're going Green!

Everything is automated to save our planet.  THINK before you PRINT!  Walk into a room, and the light magically comes on!  Sometimes the light will go out and you're still in the room.  No handles in the bathroom to turn the water on.  Sensors will do that for you.  Better hope someone used the faucet before you, cause those sensors don't know what hot and cold mean.  While washing your hands, the soap dispenser sensor ejects more soap, even when your hand isn't under it, but it's green, and saving our planet.  Your hands will freeze trying to get the hot to come, cause the water shuts off after so many seconds.  No handle on the toilets because once you get up, the sensors flush.  And you better pray to God your rings don't slip off your fingers, cause your rings just went bye-bye, at that flash hardening flush.  The sound alone will scare the life out of you.  But these things save us money?  You have a toilet with a cup of water in it, and sometimes the sensors don't work.  Oh yeah, I'll let you in on a little secret, there is a button on the side that you can push, when the sensors fail.  But, many people just leave their business there for the whole world to see, smell and view.  Gotta love this Green world.  I expect this from my cat's litter box, but come on people?  You can find those buttons to text, so learn where the buttons are on the green toilets!

You know why it's called green, cause it steals all the green from your pockets.  Money, that is!  I liked the world when things were done the old-fashioned way.  People were smarter, worked harder, and gave a damn.  Welcome technology. . .until next weekend, leave the technology at home or the office, and take a walk!  Those other body parts that don't get any attention will thank you!  They're starting to get jealous of your fingers getting all the hoopla!