Saturday, January 21, 2012

Summers In June. . .

I was sitting out on the deck, one summer morning, reading the newspaper and going over my fan mail.  One in particular stood out because the handwriting sort of reminded me of someone from my past.  This letter couldn’t be from you know who?  I thought he died years ago, or so I assumed?  The author of this letter asked me to join him for dinner, since it had been about twenty years from the last time we saw each other.  My eyes were getting rather watery from reading his words.  His words?  So many emotions flooded my mind.  I had to clutch my chest to make sure I wasn’t having a heart attack.  What did he want from me?  Why does he want to see me now after all these damn years?  He was the only man I truly ever loved, and now here this son of a bitch comes out the wood works and asks to see me.  Truth be told, I’m terrified.  It’s not like we’re young people anymore.  I’m seventy-four years old, wealthy, the world’s number one romance novelist, and alone.   And yes, being alone was by choice.

Looking back at it now, it’s funny how I came to meet Mello.  I was eighteen-years old when that grease monkey approached me.  He and Vanessa’s boyfriend, Walter, worked at an auto body shop.  Vanessa is my big sister, and worked as the receptionist for that same auto shop.  I lived with her and Walter because my mother was tragically murdered when I was fourteen years old.  My father couldn’t deal with my mother’s untimely death and had to be committed to a mental institute.  That left me to live in our big house all by myself, and my sister didn’t want me to be forced into foster care, so she, along with Walter in tow, came back to take care of me.  I owed so much to my big sister and Walter.

Walter was riding me to school one day, and he had to stop past the shop before dropping me off, and while I was listening to my walkman, I see this tall, high yellow, light skinned brotha coming toward the car.  Pink lips looking like inner tubes with tons of red and white heads sprinkled about his face.  He taps on the window and starts rapping with Vanessa.  I wasn’t sure who he was, but Nessa didn’t introduce me to the ugly fellow, which I thought was very rude.  So I start coughing to get her attention and she tells me his name is Mello and that he works as a mechanic alongside Walter, whom helped him get the job.  He extends his hand through the window to shake mine, when I noticed his fingernails were riddled with dirt and grease, and his fingers were very grimy looking.  He takes a towel from his back pocket and begins wiping his hands on it.  I suppose the disgusted look on my face gave him a clue.  I immediately took offense to his asking for my hand and I told him as such.  Nessa got mad at me stating I was being rude and acting childish, but I don’t give a damn, his hand was nasty, and I wasn’t shaking it.

His uniform name tag said Jordan, which didn’t make much sense to me.  If his name is Mello then why did his shirt say something different?  When I inquired, he mentioned Mello is his nickname—yeah. . .whatever dude, is what I was thinking!  Hard to believe this man I couldn’t stand ended up being the one that I lost my mind over.  Isn’t that always the way it is, ladies?  Especially for the men that are no damn good and dog the shit out of you, those are the ones we want—the bad boys.  I always prided myself on having more sense, but I soon found out that I didn’t have as much as I gave myself credit for.  I don’t know what the deal was about that?  I suppose losing my mother at such an early age may have had something to do with it, who knows?  Whatever the reason, I damn sure wasn’t happy when I got his letter that’s for sure. 
After all, that motherfucka broke my damn heart!  I recall one night Vanessa invited Mello over for dinner and it was very obvious that we didn’t like each other—or let’s just say, I didn’t like his ugly ass.  He had the nerve to tell me for as beautiful as I am, my potty mouth made me extremely ugly.  Well ain’t this a bitch!  Where the fuck did he get off saying such a thing to me?  I don’t know where on earth he got that fuckin’ notion?  Do you?  Why is it when a woman knows what she wants and refuses to take bullshit off of people, she’s got to be branded difficult, a bitch, or have the angry black woman’s ‘attitude,’ or a potty mouth.  Nobody tells me what to do and he can go to hell, which is exactly where I sent him!  I remember he shook his head at me as if my language disgusted him.   All that acne on his face made me sick.  The fact that he’s ugly disgusted me.  I could have shaken my head at that!  Mello can kiss my ass.  I’m not even thinking about him.  I’ve never been one to sensor myself and I damn sure ain’t gonna start now!  Hmmph, I didn’t contact him—uh-ah, it was the other way around brotha.

Enough about Mello, you can read all about the bullshit he put me through in our love story.  Wow, is what we went through considered love?  If loving him seemed right, boy was I wrong!  What made it easier to get through was the music to our story.  One of my favorite scenes is When a Man Cries, by Tony Terry.  I learned some very interesting things about Kim through that chapter, as well as about myself.  Amazing how hard it is to mend a broken heart!  Two other scenes I loved were For the Love of You, by the Isley Brothers and Bad Man, by R. Kelly.  The passion felt between Mello and I literally burn up the pages, so make sure you’re paying attention.  You know, Kim angered me when she refused to listen about the song chapters which should make it into my story.  I mean after all, I’m the star of this story, so why couldn’t I have any input.  At least I’ll say this, she did cut me some slack, unlike what she did with Clarence, she didn’t let me pick the songs for my story, but she let me sing some of them, which was cool of her.
See, the problem with Kim and I are we’re too much alike.  When you get two head strong sistas in the same room, what the fuck you think gonna happen?  I wasn’t afraid of Kim like Clarence was.  I didn’t care if I was the main character or not, nobody runs me—fuck that!  I was bold and woke her ass up many nights, while she tried to sleep and ignore me.  I told that bitch, get the hell up, I got shit to say!  Oh she tried as she might to cast me aside, so I decided to scream so loud in her head, she had no choice but to get up and run to the laptop.  I kept that heifer up for many hours each and every night, and I knew she was tired, but I told her, you don’t run me—I run you.  She didn’t know who she was fuckin’ with, but she soon learned.

She tried her best to quiet me down, but to no avail.  What she found out was I only calmed down when things went my way.  That’s the difference between me and Kim’s other characters.  I found her weakness.  If you let her think she’s running the show, then Kim is willing to give more of what you want, and I loved that she displayed me as the true spit-fire I am with such vigor and spunk.  I am a classy woman, but a bit rough around the edges sometimes, and it’s all good.  My family loves me just the way I am.  Hell, what they got to be complaining about?  I’ve got a bank roll that would make James Patterson look twice!  Do you think becoming the number one romance novelist was by accident?  Hell no!  I’m very business savvy, and I put my skills to use when it comes to managing my writing career.  I’m a loner, but not alone!  There is a difference!
But you want to know something funny.  Being a writer was not my first choice in careers.  I told that gat damn Kim I was an actress.  I showed her how well I could put on a show, but for whatever reason, she felt the need to make me a writer.  I suppose that was her way of showing her comedic side, except many of you weren’t aware of what my real aspirations were.  I remember she was laughing at me, which I absolutely hate, and she rearranged my whole career.  Thinking back on things, I guess she really was in control of me, but I made life difficult for her ass though.  She’s never come across a character quite like me, that is, until this new chick she’s working with came on the scene.  She thought I was too much—hmmph, she really doesn’t know what to do with this woman.  I’m glad to know other characters she works with are giving her a hard time too.  But knowing her the way I do, I know she will work it out. 

I will say this, the one thing we share in common; we both thrive off of pain.  And not only our pain, but the pain of others, which is why we can write some of the wildest drama you ever want to read.  Don’t tell her I said this, but secretly I think Kim is borderline sadistic.  She enjoys seeing others go through shit!  I told her that too.  I said, “You’re sick, you know that?  Why the fuck you gotta put a bitch through all this madness?”  I think girlfriend got a few screws loose upstairs, if you know what I mean.  She once did an interview and told the host that she likes to write drama, but doesn’t want to live drama.  That’s all bullshit!  How the hell you come up with all that stuff, if you aren’t living some of it.  It appears too damn real, if you ask me.  However, in her defense though, her best work is written from that dark place in one’s soul.  So whatever this new character is showing her, although it’s been difficult for Kim to deal with, she doesn’t have a choice but to pull it out and do her thang, ‘cause that’s what we writers do. 
For those who know my story have asked us if there will be a sequel to Mello & June, and we came to a decision early on this would be it for us.  We didn’t enjoy working together, although we made the best of the situation while time permitted, but Kim is too damn stubborn for me, and I know I’m the shit, so it just made for a difficult situation for everyone involved.  Very few people know that it took me twenty years to get Kim to finally write about me.  Do you have any idea what it’s like to live in someone’s mind, but they continually cast you aside?  This is why when she gave me an inkling of a clue that she was thinking about venturing down this road, I fucked with her throughout the entire process.  I know she hated me for it, but I didn’t care.  You make a character suffer for twenty years, taunting and toying with her emotions, only to keep dismissing her as if she has no real validation.  Kim repeatedly told me it’s not time.  I told her years ago, the time is now!  But I was made to wait twenty years regardless.  So, when it was time for me to be born, I enjoyed messing with her mind—I just had to do it.  That’s called character vengeance, and it brings me such delight to know her newest heroin is driving her crazier than I did.  Wait until you read her latest novel, if she finishes in time.  (Chuckling), she always finishes in time—I can’t stand her ass for that!

But, please don't get me wrong.  I don't dislike her, it's just that both of us know we're good at what we do, and we're not willing to compromise--at least, Kim isn't.  I suppose I'm a bitch too, so I can't fault her for that.  If you want to learn more about me check out Mello and June, the Musical Romance Soundtrack Novel!  Just scroll down the blog, named after me, and follow the links to purchase.  Ciao baby!
Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet
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