Saturday, February 4, 2012

Love and Hip-NOT Hooray. . .

Everyone has his or her own idea of what Love is supposed to be.  I don’t know anyone who doesn’t go out of their way to find it.  Love is like “what’s the meaning of life?”  It’s something we try to figure out, and some of us get it, while others never quite get to know love’s full potential.

One thing I do know when it comes to matters of the heart, you can’t make your heart feel something it doesn’t—nor can you change who you fall in love with.  Love is one of those emotions that is nearly impossible to control—in fact, you can’t control it, which makes it such a hard thing to deal with.  This is why I’ve always wondered about celebrities and their romances because one minute they are so hot and bothered over a particular person, and then a few months down the road, or a year later, they break up, only to turn around and be in love with someone else.  I don’t know about how you love, but for me, my heart doesn’t just get over someone that easily or that quickly.  It almost makes you question the sincerity of that love in the first place.  Can anyone say Kim Kardashian?

Okay. . .so I watch some Reality TV on my computer, when I can’t find anything on regular television, and I have to say my all-time favorite is Love & Hip Hop.  Many of my friends were shocked to learn I even watch the show because they know how much I hate Reality TV and I don’t watch television much at all, but when I need a diversion from writing, I try to find something that will catch my attention.  So one day I was surfing the net for something to watch, and stumbled across VH1’s Love & Hip Hop.

I remember watching the first episode and thought I’m not going to watch this mess, but the chaos in that show made me click the next clip, then the next clip, and so on and so forth.  I got hooked, but not for reasons you may think—simply because I couldn’t believe the stupidity of the show, and how desperate these women are!  Makes me question if they watch episodes of themselves?

At first, I wondered how VH1 got the name for the show, but quickly got my answer watching Chrissy, Emily and Kimbella fight, not only with each other, but for their dysfunctional relationships with men.  Right off the bat, I was thinking why would these beautiful black/latino women put up with this foolishness from these men?  What the hell do they have that makes them such a fool over them?  One friend of mine said they are ‘dick-ma-tized,’ and I fell out laughing, but the golden rod is one theory.  Another friend said they are attracted to the money, and I struggled with that theory because none of their men seem to be doing all that hot in the industry!  In fact, I didn’t know much about the rappers on the show, until I began watching.  It’s not like they are in the same status as 50 Cent, Jay-Z or Kanye West—ok, perhaps Fab.  So I’m not buying the whole money thing.  Hell. . .if they were all that, why are they on reality television?  I was then advised by a friend that perhaps they really love their men, and even though their rods and money may play a role, how about they actually truly love them!  Ummm, not so sure I buy that either, but I was willing to examine the theory.  Just how far does one go for love?

Before I get into the crux of my blog post, I just want to advise that my opinion may offend some of you, and if that should happen, it’s my opinion, not fact—at no time do you have to agree!  Also, I’m going to be speaking on the characters in Love & Hip Hop and for anyone who makes claim that I have no right, I want to remind you that when you put your business out for the world to see, I have every right to comment on it.  Now that I got those things out of the way, I will continue with my thoughts.

I like Chrissy (main character of the show, and Rapper Jim Jones’ fiancé).  She’s a tough, street-savvy, fancy dresser, girly-girl type of sista who holds her family down, her friends down, got their backs, would go to the ends of the earth for them, and I like that about her.  I love her directness.  Whatever she says about you behind your back, she most certainly will tell you, straight up, to your face, and won’t back down regardless if you agree with her statements or not.  Kudos to Chrissy on that!  She’s loyal to herself and those she loves.  I love her style.  But, what I don’t like is her childish behavior, the pettiness of he said/she said, always starting fights with women she feels threatened by, and for thinking her word is the only word to go by as if she’s the boss of other adults.  She comes off as a good friend, but she also bullies her friends, and I’m not feeling that!  When Chrissy feels threatened by other beautiful women who got-it-goin’-on better than she, immediately she has a problem with them.  Not cool for a woman in her 40s.  She comes off as an insecure almost middle-aged woman, and should be carrying herself a whole lot better than that for a woman of her stature.  Chrissy’s idea of handling conflict is with her fists, and although I enjoy the occasional knuck-knuck-duke-it-out-catfight, when you’re in your 40s that looks psychotic (much like she called Jimbo’s mother, a/k/a Nancy ‘Mama’ Jones).  I’m like really; this is how you are spending your time—really?  Grow up, I say!

Chrissy’s in love with Rapper, Jim Jones, and personally I think she could do better, but as I started out with this post, when it comes to love, you can’t help who you fall in love with.  The heart wants what it wants.  She’s vested seven years into a long-term relationship with her man, only to still be fighting for him to marry her.  Whoa—wait a damn minute, pump the brakes!  Seriously?  In the first season finale, she threw an engagement party for Jim in which she asked him to marry her.  She stated that there comes a time when your man won’t grow up and be the man he should be, so she had to take the hard line and force his hand, or at least offer hers up.  I was too done.  I’m like ain’t no way in hell.  You hang in there for seven years and I'm supposed to beg you to marry me?!  My whole thing to that is, if, after two years of being in a relationship with a man, and he doesn’t ask for my hand, and we discussed marriage, and he’s not taking the bait, my ass is gone—simple as that!  Not wasting no more of my precious time on a man who isn’t interested in my wants and needs, nor giving me his name.  That’s a huge red flag!  That’s where the old saying “why buy the cow when the milk’s for free,” comes from ladies and gentlemen!  Do you understand it?  She made it too easy for Jim, so why would he rush to marry her.  She’s doing everything a married woman would do, except for that matter of a little piece of paper that binds them contractually under the eyes of the Lord.  Again, hell to the damn no!  Two years tops and this sista would have been a memory in Jim’s mind!  I love myself waaaaay too much to let a man disrespect me in that way.  Instead of more fish in the sea, Chrissy, there are more Rappers in the game sista!  Get a clue!

Mind you, the wedding date still hasn’t been set.  Now we’re into season 2 (which the finale just aired) and Jim finally offers an engagement ring to her while she and her girls were kicking it down in Miami.  (Oh, did I forget to mention Jim lost his engagement ring from season 1, so Chrissy had to buy him another one!  Umm, imagine that—shows how much he cared!)  Fast-forwarding, Chrissy finally got what she wanted—this big ole godly-looking rock called a diamond ring!  Chrissy was full of tears, during the segment when they each speak to the camera personally.  She says Jim finally is loyal to her and her feelings!  He’s finally respecting their relationship.  I’m sitting there literally screaming like, really, are you friggin’ kidding me?  If waiting seven years is loyalty and respect, I’d hate to see what she considers disloyalty and disrespect? (Oh, wait, did I mention she thinks more of the disrespect from her so-called girlfriends.  She puts more stock into the dumb shit they do, but she’s been waiting on a ring for seven years, really?  What about respect from your man?)  Ummph. . .that rod must be spectacular!  She and I definitely have different values, and obviously there’s some misplaced value somewhere along through here!)  But folks the wedding has yet to happen.  I suppose we’ll see what happens in Season 3—maybe!

Chrissy’s good friend, Emily, is a sweet, naïve, shy woman (at least, that’s how she comes off).  She has a good heart and she’s struggling with her own personal demons.  She’s a fashion stylist to celebrities, and a mother of two, a girl and boy.  She shares a son with Rapper Fabolous.  What I like about Emily is that she has a sweet nature and genuinely doesn’t want to see anyone hurt, especially herself.  She’s true to one friend in particular—Chrissy.  What I don’t like about Emily is she plays both sides against the middle, and then when the sides collide, she wants to pretend she doesn’t have anything to do with it.  She reminds me of a school girl who gets information from girls in a group, and when the girls disperse and she’s left with her one true friend, she tells her everything the other girls said about her.  She loves to keep shit going, and when it hits the fan, she tries to move out of the way so none splats on her, but what she fails to realize is she’s got some chocolate residue present—grab a baby wipe and get to cleanin’ sista!

Emily is in love with Rapper, Fabolous.  And once again, as beautiful as she is, why she feels she needs to waste time on this one particular rapper, god only knows, but this is who she loves.  She’s vested ten long years with Fab, who doesn’t seem to give a damn about her one way or the other!  Fab has a huge problem with his rod—keeping it in his pants, and he has no problem disrespecting Emily by parading his other women in front of her!  In fact, when she was pregnant with their son, he was dating fashion model, Kimbella (whom I’ll talk about shortly).  Actually, Fab doesn’t really “date” women, but he sleeps with many.  I suppose one has to get all they can while the getting is good.  However, this is the man Emily’s heart belongs too—problem is Fab doesn’t seem to want it or even realizes the heart is his to have?  How many red flags does one need to wave, Emily?

In season 1, Emily boo-hoo’ed and cried about how Fab disrespects her and isn’t home because he’s out on the road, and while out there, he’s always hugged up with some chick, and messing around.  When Emily scheduled a family photo shoot, Fab was notably absent.  The picture ended up being Emily, her daughter, from a previous relationship, and their son.  The little boy was so unruly and acting up, I was shocked the photographer was able to get the picture done.  The portrait did turn out nicely though.  Emily kept making excuses for why Fab wasn’t at the photo shoot.  She blew up his cell and he never returned her calls.  Then Emily recollects he told her he didn’t want to be on the reality show.  This is a man who is a well-known rapper—has performed in front of hundreds of thousands of people, and he has misgivings about being seen on a reality show?  No, what he didn’t want us to see was the fact that he has a woman and a child.  He doesn’t want us to see him portrayed as a ‘family man.’  Why that might mess up his image and where would that leave him with the ladies?  And yet, she loves this man and has been with him for ten long years without a ring, but plenty of rings around her eyes from crying!  Maybe she can borrow one of them and place it on her finger?  She finally found some strength and decided to start loving herself by moving out of Fab’s house and into her own—or was that just a bunch of hot air?  It’s about gat damn time girlfriend!  She’s trying to concentrate on her life and not so much on Fab’s and so far so good, but his body is calling her or is that the rod’s echo?  Since she left him, he’s been trying to act right, showing up to her fashion show, taking an interest in things she likes, giving her flowers and candy, and wining and dining her—all the things a ‘real’ man loving his woman would do, but ‘hole up wait a damn minute!  Did it ever occur to you Emily that the only reason he sees what he’s lost is because you moved out?  But, sista, remember, that one-eyed rod can be tricky, so don’t be fooled!  Unfortunately, she’s been crying in season 2 about missing him and loving him still!  Girlfriend cries a whole lot and gets on my last damn nerve.  Grow some damn balls!  I am positive they are getting back together, because she’s weak and stupid! I can only imagine what season 3 will show.  But this is love, huh—you can have it?!

Kimbella! Kimbella!  What the hell can I say about Kimbella?  I’m really not that familiar with her, but from all the hoopla she stirred in season 2, I sort of got the feeling that she is not liked by many.  I believe she’s not liked because she’s a beautiful woman, as well, and holds her own.  She displays this self-assured energy, but is somewhat misplaced by her upbringing.  She’s a fashion model, fun-loving, and free to be herself, and she represents the ‘Kimbella’ brand well.  I love the fact that she’s definitely true to herself, and she appears to be strong when it comes to her business and child, but when it comes to girlfriends and men, she’s got some issues.

Kim was introduced to season 2’s opener by getting into a heated exchange with Chrissy, a woman everyone seems to be terrified to cross—Kim didn’t know what she was dealing with!  My jaw dropped as I watched the fight unfold.  I thought what a way to start the damn new season.  The whole Chrissy/Kimbella catfight (or rather a one-sided brawl) started when they were all over Emily’s new place, celebrating Emily’s independence, and Kim felt the need to advise her that she had once dated Fab a few years ago.  Emily asked for the timeframe of when Kim and her man were dating, and she mentioned about three years ago, and Emily revealed that was about the same time she was pregnant with Fab’s baby.  Chrissy was outraged that Kim would even dare bring up the fact she had dated Fab at all, but to bring it up during Emily’s celebration of independence, was just rude, inconsiderate and downright mean!  So Kim makes the statement to Chrissy that it wasn’t about her, but between Emily and her.

Chrissy pretended to get up to go to the bathroom, and cold-cocked Kim right in her face, and the catfight officially began.  Needless to say, the camera crew and the ladies had to pull Chrissy off of Kim.  In Kim’s defense, she didn’t realize Emily was pregnant with Fab’s baby at that time, nor did she know she was his “woman” per se.  It didn’t matter to Chrissy either way because she took it personal that she came over to her girl’s house ‘disrespecting’ her by talking about dating her man. (Chrissy’s upset over Emily’s disrespect—aaah, something is seriously wrong with this picture? What about getting upset over the lack of respect your man has for you?  Fight for that!)  But it didn’t matter because Kim has love troubles just like Chrissy and Emily.

Kimbella is in love with Rapper, Juelz Santana, formerly of The Diplomats also known as the Dipset, who Jim Jones is also associated.  Once again, a beautiful woman who got her own money, holding it down, is in love with Juelz.  They share a son and have been together for about three or four years.  She had a meeting with her mother wherein she expressed she was upset about her ‘upbringing’ because her mother did everything for her father, but did little to help her children.  Kim stated she basically raised her two brothers by herself, and is a little angry with her mother that she didn’t teach her the values and things she needed to be a woman and the rights and wrongs of a relationship.  She expressed in her camera time that she wants to get married to Juelz, but she needs to get to know him better before she goes to the next level.  Hmm, excuse me Kim, you have a son with this man, but you need to get to know him better before you go to the next level?  Are you friggin’ serious right now?  Did those words really come out of your mouth?  OMG, shoot me now!  But anyway, she also expresses her woes to her brother and he said she would be OK!  Well, could somebody explain this to me, please?  I’m not okay as a viewer!

So Kimbella’s bombshell for the finale of season 2 is she’s pregnant again with Juelz’s baby—obviously she’s still getting to know him?  She springs this news on her parents.  Her mother looks sick and figured it out before she could tell it, and her father didn’t say much of anything.  I’m watching her son run around, and now she’s got number two in the oven, and to top things off, Juelz got arrested again for a beef he got into at some nightclub and his bail is set at $46,000.  She now says she’s got some things to worry about, and her mother’s advice is that she shouldn’t venture down this road again.  Ya think?  Perhaps mama should have advised that two children ago?  Talk about a day late and a dollar short?  She also asked when Juelz was going to put a ring on her finger, and Kim just sat looking like a deer caught in the headlights.  But the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree cause her mother didn’t marry her father, who was sitting right beside her mom.  So I suppose she has every right to be pissed at her mother for not teaching her right; however, she taught her exactly as she wanted her to learn, and Kim is doing a great job at it—a single-mother of a child and soon to be two without marriage.  Bravo!  Well done!  I’m reminded of Beyoncé’s Single Ladies (Oh, but wait, it took Jay-Z eight years before he put a ring on it, so bad example!)  My bad!

All three of these beautiful sistas got some love issues and I think VH1 needs to change the show’s title to Questionable Love & Very Little Hip Hop!  So, this is talent today, really?  This is how one becomes a megastar?  I wish those ladies the best, but something tells me they are going to be quite alright—after all, they are making that paper!  Season 3 is coming!

In the spirit of February being the month of love, this post is one in a four-part series.  I want women and men to realize, you must learn to love yourself enough to know when it’s time to move on and not allow people to treat you any old kind of way.  People do to you what you allow them to do!  You deserve so much more than that, and if these three women’s stories don’t teach you what not to do, then nothing ever will!  Wake Up and stop being a damn fool!  I’m a writer and I can’t come up with drama this good—well, that’s not totally true, but you get my point!  Love YOUrself!

Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet
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