Saturday, April 7, 2012

Thoughts of Decisions. . .

When you think about your life, there are so many elements and components that make it up.  Before you became aware of what your life is about, there were two key people who went about creating you.  Perhaps you were an error of judgment?  Perhaps you were planned and meant to be?  Regardless as to which, make no mistake, your life hinged on a decision.

Because you are here, one can easily figure out that the decision was carried out to have you in our world.  Whether your mother decided or your father begged to see his seed come to fruition, someone, if not both, made a decision.  Usually people don’t really think about this type of stuff, but decisions are the most important thing to your life and well-being.  If you make the wrong choices, you may have a hard way to go, and if you make the right ones, there are still some bumps in the road, but more often than not, you’ll have it easier.

As a writer, I create all sorts of chaos and drama for my characters to sort through.  Sometimes they do things just as they should, and other times they struggle.  It’s one thing for your decisions to impact just your life, but an entirely different matter when what you decided affects those around you.  Decision making is not an easy process for some, while others have no problems doing it.  I know some people who can just on-the-spot come up with one and keep on pushing.

 Those that know me well often say I’m a strong person.  And quite frankly, I don’t know if that’s necessarily true or not, but it would be fair to say that I deal with situations as they come, I look at the pros and cons, and finally make my decision.  I suppose one could say I make it look easy, but trust and believe, a lot of thought goes into any decision I make, and I’ve had to make some very nasty ones in my lifetime.  At the end of the day, my spirit has to be at peace with whatever I decide, and when my spirit feels good, whether distasteful or not, I make my decision and there is no turning back.  When I tell someone I am ‘done,’ I meant just that! There isn’t any negotiations being held—there aren’t any discussions to be made and no debates.  Maybe this is why some of my closest friends say I’m strong.

When I wrote Mello & June, I was asked if I had any regrets or would I have done anything differently with the way the book turned out?  My answer was a resounding, No!  I wrote what I wrote the way it was relayed to me through my creativity and I stuck to that formula.  I was terrified as to how it would be received because any writer wants his words to be loved, but being the realist that I am, I knew not everyone would like it—and, of course, I was right.  Hell, the same can be said about anything, as far as that goes.

The difference I find with many people is they think about decisions and discuss their problems with others, and they hem and haw or ponder about them, but a decision has yet to be forthcoming.  You can think all day long—it’s only when you put your thoughts into actions, does a real decision have any impact.  I not only talk-the-talk, but I also walk-the-walk, and this is what lots of people have issues with.  I have had to cut people from my life—that includes family and so-called friends.  I have left relationships that weren’t working out for me.  I have left jobs that weren’t up to my standards of professionalism.  The bottom line is anything that upsets my spirit; doesn’t sit well with me; isn’t working out; or causes me harm—I have no problem deciding to walk away from it or them.   My peace of mind is the only state of mind that matters.

So why do people struggle with decision making?—Fear plain and simple.  They are afraid of the unknown.  They are afraid of what will happen as a result of their decisions.  I was afraid too, but I was more afraid of dealing with a bad situation than what would happen if I hadn’t decided to cut my problem loose.

What you will find is that once you start making decisions and feeling good about them, it gets easier to make.  Like with anything, practice makes perfect.  I was forced into tough decision making early in life, and at the time while I was dealing with it, I thought it would kill me—but now I’m glad it happened because it set the tone for how the rest of my decisions would flow.

There was a childhood friend of mine who, at the time, I thought was a decent person.  We went to school together, talked about our hopes and dreams, we played games, etc., but what I didn’t see was that she harbored hatred toward me.  She would act out and do nasty things to me like stealing my toys or stop speaking to me for no good reason, and talking about me behind my back.  Each and every time we’d have a tiff, I’d welcome her back into my life with open arms and all would be forgiven.  Even though I knew she said with her mouth she ‘liked’ me and I was her ‘friend,’ she truly didn’t mean that for she continued to mistreat me whenever the mood suited her.  This went on through grade school, and when it was time for us to graduate and head off to middle school, I had finally had enough.  I ended our ‘friendship,’ if that’s what you could call it, and it hurt me down to my soul for having done so.  She called me and asked to be friends, and she would send other girls to me to ask me to forgive her and that she was sorry, but I knew in my heart she didn’t mean it.  She taught me not to hang onto a situation like that for long and I cut her loose.  Once I got over my personal pain, I healed and gained new friends.  I made a decision and I stuck to it.  After that, making the decision to cut those negative things from my life got a whole lot easier.

At the end of the day you have to be happy with you.  You are the one that has to deal with whatever situations are thrown your way.  Your decisions aren’t going to always make others happy, but you cannot concern yourself with them.  No matter what you do, when you do have to make tough decisions, do not, under any circumstances, change your mind.  Stick to your guns.  People will not take you seriously if you continually change your mind back and forth to suit those around you.  Remember your decisions are not up for debate, discussion or negotiations.  If you know something isn’t suited for you, don’t deal with it and be done.  When you say you’re ‘done,’ mean it!  When you turn a decision over to a Higher Power, don’t try to rearrange the answer He sends to you! 

Thinking and doing are two different things.  Stop procrastinating and make up your mind with whatever you've been worrying over.  In case you didn't know, worry causes wrinkles, not to mention, is extremely bad for your health—which is another reason why I have learned to let things go.  There's no need to stress over decisions.  Everything you need to make it is there, you're just too afraid to act.  Decisions mean nothing if they remain thoughts!  Like the Nike slogan says, "Just Do It!"  And be 'done' already!

Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet
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