Saturday, July 28, 2012

DON'T SPEAK. . .

It never ceases to amaze me how people will come up with fantabulous excuses just to hate another person. You’ve heard the expression, “don’t hate” or “don’t hate the player, hate the game!” No matter what, there are those of us who will hate on another person for a multitude of reasons, and what I find interesting about that is, usually the reasons aren’t even justifiable. So why hate? Hating expends way too much energy than I’m willing to devote!


I was always told ‘hate’ is a strong word and to be careful when saying it, but it’s one of the most commonly words used a hundred times throughout the day. Do many of us really understand the seriousness of the four-lettered word?

The purpose for this blog is a rather silly subject, but one I feel needs to be stated because what I’m about to outline, I’m sure many of you have dealt with this scenario, or at least, are familiar with it. This message is directed to my sistas, African-American women, because it’s something that has been bothering me for years, and I’m going to put it out there.

When I’m out and about on my lunch break, there are two sistas I’ve seen who also take the same walk. Every time I see them I always say, “hey ladies, how you doing?” One of the females will respond, “hey girl,” while the other would leave me dead where I stood from the evil stink eye she gives me. Talk about attitude—she never speaks to me, even though I always speak to her. Ok, her hello isn’t paying my bills or helping nor hindering me from going on with life, but her attitude pissed me off because I’m like what is this sista’s problem?

 

Just to make sure it wasn’t all in my mind, since I’m overly sensitive than most people, I decided the next time I encountered the two sistas again, I would make sure to speak to them separately and make direct eye contact. Wouldn’t you know it, yesterday I see these two coming through the door, and I held it open for them and smiled. “Hey girl, how you doin’,” I said to the taller (light skinned sista). She responded, “Thanks for holding the door. I’m well and yourself.” And then I focused my attention toward the shorter (dark skinned sista). “Hey, how you today lady?”

She rolled her eyes, crossed her arms in front of her chest, and what sounded like a hiss and kept on walking even though I held the door open for her. So this time I knew it wasn’t my imagination and I decided this was going to stop here and now. “Damn, what’s your problem?” Once again, I should have been dead by the nasty look she gave me, while she continued walking in front of her friend and never opened her mouth.

Ok, I don’t know these women from Adam, but they are two African-American women that I happen to see and even though we don’t know each other, what is the harm in speaking to someone. I mentioned their complexions for a reason because in a previous blog post, I mentioned the dark skin/light skin battles that Black people deal with. Isn’t it funny that the light skinned sista will speak and be polite, and then when it comes to the darker skinned sista, she gives me the attitude, rolling her eyes, and cutting her eyes in a different direction so she doesn’t have to address me? Damn, what the hell did I do to her?


You know, we as women have enough shit to deal with in a day, and being rude and nasty to another black woman is just beyond my comprehension. Because I work in a professional environment, my work attire matches my occupation. I noticed these two ladies wear uniforms and look like they could possibly work in a janitorial job, waitress or hostess of some sort. Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those professions, and I don’t look down on anyone working a legit job, but I get the feeling that somehow the way I carry myself intimidates the one sista. Then I thought is she pissed with me because I’m lighter than she is, and then it occurred to me that her girlfriend she hangs with is lighter than me—so that’s not it?

After pondering over it, I just chocked it up as a woman who is insecure with herself and her occupation and thinks that I think I’m better than she is. Although I initiated speaking to them, when I see them out, and if I come through the door before they do, I always hold it for them to walk through. I decided that even though this sista has an attitude, I continue to speak because that’s the type of woman I am. I’m a mature adult and don’t have a problem speaking to anyone, or even nodding to a brotha and saying “what’s up,” or “hey how are you?” What does it harm to speak to another person, and especially your own damn people?

I’m so sick and damn tired of my sistas hating on each other. Some of you act as though you don’t have the same choices and breaks as everyone else—and that’s a travesty if you feel this way. Because I’m not dressed in a uniform and the job I hold is of a different magnitude than the one that Miss ‘Tude has, why hate on me because you’re doing something you don’t enjoy. The decisions I’ve made for my life are just that—my decisions that impact me and what I want to do with it. All of you reading this have choices and decisions you can make too—so don’t get a funky ass attitude with other people because your shit ain’t tight!

 

When I encounter a black woman who has it going on and wearing her outfit well, I go out of my way to compliment her and tell her so. The same as when I see one of my sistas who has lost weight, I make sure to tell her how nice she looks. I’m not insecure when a sista is working on getting herself together! I’m proud when I see my people looking good and holding it down and handling business. I don’t hate on any women, regardless of color, but especially not my own sistas. You will never find me hating on them. In fact, when you see a sista that is doing well, YOU need to tell her that! We’re supposed to uplift each other, not tear each other down and rip the woman apart with your green-eye envied eyes hating on her because she’s got her shit together.

For those of you, who don’t know this already; let me educate you on some facts that you should have learned from your mama a long time ago—that is, if she herself isn’t a hater?! Sistas, there is always going to be someone looking better than you, built better than you, more talented than you, smarter than you, making more money than you, having her life better than you, is able to pull more men than you, and that doesn’t mean that your life is any less—unless, you choose to allow someone to make you feel less. When you don’t love yourself, no one else is going to love you either. What you’ll find is that as you age, that nasty stink eye frown you give to others, will remain frozen and your ugliness will be forever lasting in your looks.  Is that how you wish others to see you?

Many people that knew me from back in the day are always so surprised when they see me now and say, “Damn Kim you haven’t changed at all. You always looked nice then and you still do. What is your secret?” News Flash: The secret is I live my life to the fullest. I do ‘me’ always. I love and respect myself, and more importantly, I embrace ‘me’ with flaws and all. Therefore, when I see others, that’s what comes through and I age gracefully. I was raised to be a lady, and that is what I shall remain, and when I see my sistas, young or old, out and about, I always speak, whether I get a response or not.


I don’t harbor hate in my body, and I especially don’t harbor it toward any of my own damn people. Ladies you need to wake the hell up and stop hating on other black women. I don’t give a damn what skin tone they have—if that sista has it going on, you need to be a woman and lift her up and tell her so. This not speaking to other sistas because of your own stupid, selfish, insecure, evil reasons needs to stop! That isn’t any way to behave toward one another and it’s downright foolish to act that childish. Grow the hell up and be a woman for God’s sake. Don’t get a pissy attitude with other black women who have it together. The only person standing in your way is standing in your way!



Sistas stop hating on other sistas! Speak and smile—it’s free and doesn’t cost you a damn thing! You might learn something! Why hate on someone you don’t even know? That could be the one person God has put in your path for a reason, and here your dumb ass is blocking your own blessing and not even know it! Change begins within! If you want to waste your precious time on earth holding hate prisoner in your heart—go ‘head, it’s your penitentiary!  It's a shame to imprison yourself.   Get it together and be the Queens we're supposed to be, instead of acting like the court's jester!



Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet
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