Sorry this post is so late. If you only knew the type of weeks I've been having lately, you'd completely understand. Having said that, it's better late than never, right? Anyhoo, in light of all the scandals going on, it got me to thinking. And you know what happens when I get to thinkin'. . .those thoughts begin to play with my mind and eventually find their way onto a piece of paper. Well in this case, onto a blog post.
I don't need to remind you of the latest stupidity happening in the news. You've seen the reports and read the posts online. The NFL which used to stand for the National Football League, I now call the National 'Foolish' League. My god, the NFL is a joke as of late and it just seems to continue to go in a downward spiral with no end in sight. What the hell, NFL?
What's interesting though, what we're now hearing about isn't something that just started happening, these types of situations have happened for years. The difference being with social media in everyone's damn business and society is now playing host to Big Brother, you hear about it a lot more. But trust me folks this is certainly not a new thing. Let's be very clear about that. It's just a sad day we live in and I always find myself saying that more and more.
After weighing in different opinions and hearing both sides, I found myself thinking about my upbringing and family. Where would we be without our family? For some, they are probably better off, but for most, our family is what gets us through the tough times, when all hope feels lost. Since I returned from my vacation, things haven't exactly been all good as they say. In fact, my life was taking a rather interesting turn for the worst--not in a medical sense, so to speak, but from a professional aspect.
My faith has truly been tested these last few weeks and I was beginning to lose hope and not to mention my mind with all the drama I've been dealt. I found myself asking god 'why me?' I'm sure I'm not alone, but I found myself feeling that way. I had to make some rather unpleasant decisions. Decisions so scary I wasn't sure what was going to happen to me, or if I dared even venture down that negative path of thinking.
Have you ever been so lost due to an unfortunate incident, you just don't know what to do or where to go? Everyone is against you and there's no one you can trust. Every shadow is evil lurking behind you with a dark cloud looming overhead. Where it seems like everyone else's life is sunny and bright, and there is nothing but rain pouring all over you. It's not a good look, but one you've been wearing quite well.
There are eyes following you. You don't feel safe and there's nowhere to run or hide. You begin to doubt yourself and think everyone else is right and perhaps it's you that has it wrong. You may even get so depressed that suicide seems like a great option at the moment. I'm positive I'm not the only one who has ever entertained those horrible thoughts. In fact, I don't think you're quite human if you hadn't. Eh, if you haven't then kudos to you, however, for me, not so much.
When I began to feel I had no other options, my mind took me back to when some of my family members were alive and well. To a time when life was wonderful and I didn't have a care in the world. I could see my grandmother and brother sitting in my grandfather's den listening to Issac Hayes' Shaft soundtrack. The three off us would dance until we broke out into a sweat singing along to the lyrics. My brother and I would laugh because we knew we weren't permitted to cuss, and it was so genius of Issac to write the lyric "He's a bad mother, shut yo mouth! I'm talkin' 'bout Shaft." We loved to sing that part and my grandmother would fall out laughing.
After I thought about that, I saw my mother sitting quietly listening to The Isleys Brothers' Fight the Power album. My brother and I absolutely loved that song because it was the first time we had ever heard a cuss word recorded in a song. My mother used to blast it and we'd dance to it as well--except when it got to the part with all this "bullsh*t going down" we had to leave that out. But when mom wasn't around, we'd sing that to the top of our lungs. It felt so good to say things we knew we weren't supposed to.
The deeper I fell into my depression, the more my past played in my mind like a video. I began to smile and felt such a sense of happiness to know I was loved and am loved. Even though my grandparents are gone and my brother, they gave me strength and reason to feel hope again. My family loved me unconditionally and provided the happiness I was searching for. It was my fond childhood memories coupled with my husband and mother that guided me in a very difficult decision. For them to tell me no matter what, we have your back and you handle business and do what you got to do was all I needed to hear.
I was terrified. I was about to embark on something that could have ended very badly for me, but I credit my family for having brought me through it, as well as the help of god giving me the courage I needed to finally stand up for myself. I learned it is very true with the saying if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything. For me, I took a stand and received a small victory and it felt damn good.
I suppose that's how some of the men in the NFL are feeling--those dealing with the scandals. Luckily for me, I'm not that well known for social media to be all up in my business, but for those in the spotlight, ummph, good luck with that. I certainly hope they don't lose their faith! I hope their families are rallying behind them to help them get through these trying times.
You better trust and believe there ain't nothing like family! I'm truly thankful and blessed with the one god gave to me. I wouldn't trade my family (the good, the bad or the ugly) for anything in this universe. I know that no matter what I go through, I have options and people who care about me more than I do myself sometime. And knowing that is half the damn battle.
Keep the faith, readers. . .it's going to be aiight!
Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet/Reviewer
Ain't Nothing Like. . .Family!