I've penned 2015 the 'No Excuses' year! And you better trust and believe there will not be any excuses. One of the reasons I feel so strongly about that is from conversing with many women. I noticed that some of us stay in the same frame of mind and then wonder why things never change in our lives.
I'm going to be speaking to my sisters this weekend. Not to throw shade at the fellows, but if you can get a blessing from the words I'm about to say, then by all means, I hope you get the message and use these words wisely.
Are you the 'Woe is me type?' Are you the 'Constant complainer?' Are you the 'Why me type?' Are you the 'I'm never satisfied type?' Are you the 'Me too type?' Are you the 'Wear your color on your sleeve type?' Are you the 'I have an attitude with everybody type?' Are you the 'I hold grudges type?' Are you the 'It's everybody else's fault and never my own type?'
Do you recognize any of the types I've mentioned above? If so, do you know the one thing all those types have in common? No, you say. I'll tell you. All those types are what I call eternal victims. That's what all those types are--victims. Make no mistake there's a huge difference between being victimized whether it be criminally or happenstance and being a victim by your own doing.
Some of my sistas are walking around not even realizing they are victims of self. They're so used to doing themselves in that they are blinded by what they've done to their own soul, and that's just plain ole sad! These are the same sistas that wonder why they can't get a man, or for those that have one, wonder why he no longer wants to be with you or why he's out prowling for something better and new. I'm not saying your man might not have some fault, but have you ever looked at yourself?
I know a woman who had a good man but ended up losing him simply because she let what the last brother did to her effect the current relationship she was in. And, of course, she had the nerve to wonder why the man got tired of hearing all her issues. I can't say I blame the man for feeling the way he did. This brother couldn't be late five minutes without her accusing him of being with someone else. And the sad reality was, he wasn't cheating on her, which she later found out when it was too late.
There's another friend of mine who sees nothing but color in everything she does. If someone looks at her wrong, or says the wrong thing, especially if they are outside of being African-American, immediately she jumps off and says that individual is racist. When I say everything, I mean everything. She can't see anything but color. If the checker in the Wal-Mart says something she deems inappropriate, immediately she says they're only saying that because I'm a black woman. But the funny thing is, the checker made the mistake of asking her if she noticed the price of a particular item, and right away, she's ready to turn up and throw the race card. Lord have mercy, if asking a person about a price is racist, what the hell is the world coming to?
I know another woman who sees everyone else's faults except her own. If you tell her something you're going through, she will give you great advice, but what she doesn't admit to the woman she's advising, is that she has a similar problem. You'd think the advice she so readily gives to her she would automatically use for herself, but far from that. When you try to tell her about the negative things she does, right away she's ready to place hands on a sista and cuss 'em out. Everybody has problems except for her. Everyone is the issue except for her. She never sees what she does wrong--but she has 20/20 vision when it comes to your problems.
How about another friend of mine is always down on herself. She doesn't like her weight gain. She can't lose weight. She's depressed cause she's almost 50 years old, and she hasn't done anything exciting in her life. Her life is boring and her son is in college and her husband doesn't take her anywhere and they don't do anything fun anymore. Everybody else's life is great except for hers. She joined a gym and very rarely goes, and eats like there's no tomorrow, and she knows in her heart she should try to be healthier, but doesn't do it. Her husband encourages her and offers to workout with her, and she still complains about what a sad person she's become. Hmm?
I swear I should have gone to college to become a damn psychiatrist because I certainly feel like one. You, the reader, may be thinking how can I say these things about women I know? They are the reason why I've changed my outlook on life. These ladies are victims of self. Each of them know when they come to me with these complaints and/or issues, I'm not going to sugarcoat a damn thing I say. As I told one of them, if you don't want me to keep it 100 with you, then don't ask my opinion because I'm going to tell it to you the way I see it.
The complaints they have, in my opinion, are small and useless. Not to mention a waste of my time and theirs. Hell, if you plan to live, you're going to get old. Why on earth are you fighting a battle you'll never win? What. . .are you going to just die because you don't want to get old? Do you realize how dumb that is? Just because a person of the opposite color says something to you that you took way too personal doesn't mean they made their comment because you're a person of color. There isn't a human who is perfect. We all have flaws! You can't talk about my dirty laundry when your house isn't clean. Do you get where I'm coming from.
When I heard about some of these women who accused Bill Cosby of rape and still carrying the alleged scars with them for over 40 years, one has to wonder when the hell do you ever get over it? Why are some women victims of life? Why do you allow others to have your power? It drives me insane to see how some of my sisters act, and I mean women in general. I don't give a damn what color you are. There comes a time when you have to STOP allowing others to have your power and take back your control. After all, there isn't much control you get to have in life, so the very thing you can control, which is your life and your perspective, why wouldn't you do everything in your power to claim it?
I will never be a victim--period! I made up in my mind a very long time ago that no matter what may happen in this life, I'm going to make the best of it! I will never allow another human being to reduce me to self-loathing and self-victimization. If this is YOU, you need to really take a good hard look at yourself and examine the key things that make you a victim. And many of you wonder why good things don't come your way, well part of the problem could start with you. Until you're willing to make mental and in some cases physical changes in yourself, you'll never get anywhere as long as you continue to live as a victim.
Like I said, ladies, it's a new year, a new beginning, a new slate, clean up your damn act and stop blaming the world for your problems that nine times out of ten you made up and put yourself in. Once you take back the power, you'll be amazed at how well you succeed in life and how others receive you as well. Clean up everything around you and life won't appear so messy.
Until next time, happy reading. . .
Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet/Reviewer
Stop Being the Problem. . .
Be the Solution!