Friday, August 19, 2016

#Book #Blitz. . .Rude Boy USA. . .#BookBoost

Proudly Presents. . .A Book 'Blitz'
Featuring Author, Victoria Bolton

Rude Boy USA
By Victoria Bolton
Genre: Crime Fiction

Book Description

Say good-bye to the era of godfathers. The Chimera Group has put a new face on organized crime.

Mob boss Bernie Banks and his associates—John, Ben, and Jerome—differ from your ordinary Sicilian and Irish mob families. Two white, two black, they style themselves after the Rude Boy culture made popular in Jamaica.

Operating as a shell investment company supported by illegal activities, the Chimera Group hopes to become as powerful as other crime families and gain respect from the Cosa Nostra. Bernie, a war veteran of Jewish and Greek descent, begins his business in his apartment and grows it into a multimillion-dollar empire. He and his crew resemble a more sophisticated subculture of urban street gangsters with their Ray-Ban sunglasses, loafers, and debonair style. But they want fear and admiration.

Their efforts draw the attention of the rival Ambrosino family, and they face internal strife when one of the associates begins dating a former Playboy Club waitress who wants in on the group.

Will they make it to the top, or will they fall?

Author Bio

My name is Victoria Bolton and I live in Westchester County, New York. I am a graduate of the College of Westchester, and I work as a computer technician in schools and is a part-time actress. I previously released the book Looking for Mr. Potential under the pen name La’Ketta T. Bolton in 2000 as well as the sequel to Rude Boy Usa, BunnyWine. I am currently working on the third installment of the Rude Boy USA series.


Twitter:  @bunny_celia

Brought to You By:

Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet/Reviewer

Reading Brings You Together!

#Book #Spotlight...Rise of a Viking...#BookBoost #Giveaway

Proudly Presents. . .A Book 'Spotlight'
Featuring Author, Sky Purington

Rise of a Viking
The MacLomain Series
Viking Ancestors’ Kin
Book 1
Sky Purington    

Genre:  Time-travel Fantasy Romance

Date of Publication:  August 9, 2016


Number of pages:  270
Word Count:  80,000

Cover Artist:  Tamra Westberry

Book Description:

Cybil is thrilled when she and her family inherit a million dollar ocean-side house in Winter Harbor, Maine. It’s a chance to finally bring her sisters back together and right old wrongs. But problems arise. Her gift of prophecy grows stronger. A Viking from the past haunts her. And that old ash tree in the front yard? It has taken on the otherworldly qualities of Yggdrasill, a tree that connects the nine worlds in Norse mythology. Soon caught in its power, she’s whisked back in time to tenth-century Scandinavia.

Of dragon blood and set to inherit the throne, Heidrek Sigdir tries to keep Cybil away, but the gods have other plans. A fate designed to make him pay for past grievances. Yet when he finally lays eyes on her, he wants nothing else. They share a connection unlike any other. Poignant desire. Incomparable need. Tempting change. Even so, he must let her go. She should be with his brother. Still, nothing is what it seems. A new enemy is determined to destroy all and Cybil is special to him and his people in ways nobody anticipated.

Many revelations come to light when Heidrek and Cybil are forced to journey across the rugged lands of Norway to reach the home of the seers at the peak of Mt. Galdhøpiggen. Hearts will be tested and lives forever changed. Will a new Viking King rise up and keep his people safe? Or will his endless draw to a modern day woman be his ultimate ruin?

Amazon      Kobo      BN

Excerpt #1

Everyone said their goodnights as she climbed the stairs. Thankfully, there was a deck off her bedroom. One she utilized despite the storm. Elbows braced on the railing, she stared at the tree, her thoughts still on Heidrek. Some might say he haunted her, but she didn’t quite look at it like that. Not when he was trying to keep her away.

Not when he was somehow trying to protect her and her family.

She thought of those that might be his family. Lightning crisscrossed the sky, illuminating the choppy ocean. Kol was a relative. She closed her eyes and focused on the name and let it lead her to others. Kol’s brothers. Naðr Véurr…a king. Raknar. All the men who had ended up with Amber’s sisters. Her thoughts chased them until they focused on a young blond boy with a stutter and deep sadness. He grew, changed, became a man.


Her eyes snapped open, and she focused on the tree again. He had become something unexpected. What he became changed everything. It would make him a king.

The king.

Someone so important that it drew attention. She blinked and shook her head as thunder crashed and the rain fell harder. No, he drew attention by his actions. He brought trouble to his people…to his family.

That’s what he had been trying to tell her all along.

Stay away.

Stay safe.

And she would. He needed to know that.

Cybil didn’t realize what she was doing until she was down the stairs off her deck and heading for the tree. The wind was strong, and the rain cold but nothing touched her. She needed to be beneath the ash.

She needed to understand.

Hands braced against the cool bark, she stared up but saw nothing beyond flashes of lightning. Yet she felt something. A slight vibration that had nothing to do with the endless thunder. Her eyes dropped to her feet. To the root.

The Yggdrasill glowed again.

“Stay away,” whispered close to her ear.

Her eyes shot to the right, and her breath caught.

There he was. Gorgeous. Masculine. Intense.

Yet ghostly.

At least a foot taller than her, he had dirty blond hair, stubble on his strong jaw and the same, piercing blue eyes she had seen in the photo. He wore a red tunic and brown fur over his broad shoulders.

Her eyes fell to the bear pendant hanging around his neck. “You use that to connect us and protect me. Does that mean keeping me and my family from traveling to you and yours?” she whispered as she shook her head and met his eyes again. “Because it won’t. It isn’t working.”

He started to talk but stopped, confusion in his eyes. “It should only connect us. Protect you. Nothing more…” His eyes roamed her face before they went to the house. “Please. You must stay away for the safety of your kin.”

Cybil was caught off guard by the flicker of desire in his eyes. More so, by her sharp response to it. She frowned and shook her head. “I’m trying.” She tried to tear her gaze from his but couldn’t. “Tell me what to do.”

“Run from here. Get away from this tree.” She sensed that he wanted to reach out but didn’t. “If you stay, I cannot stop this.”

“But you led me here,” she whispered, desperate to understand. “Didn’t you?”

His eyes roamed her face again or at least she thought they did as he started to fragment. “I…do not know.”


She sensed his surprise at the use of his name. But then she was equally shocked when he whispered hers before vanishing altogether.

About the Author:

Sky Purington is the best-selling author of over twenty novels and several novellas. A New Englander born and bred, Sky was raised hearing stories of folklore, myth and legend. When combined with a love for nature, romance and time-travel, elements from the stories of her youth found release in her books.

Purington loves to hear from readers and can be contacted at Interested in keeping up with Sky's latest news and releases? Visit Sky's website, to download her free App on iTunes and Android or sign up for her quarterly newsletter. Love social networking? Find Sky on Facebook and Twitter.


Tour Giveaway

A $25 gift card to winner’s choice of Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

Giveaway Link: a Rafflecopter giveaway

Brought to You By:

Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet/Reviewer

#Guest #Post...Of Beast and Bonds...#BookBoost #Giveaway #Promo

Proudly Presents. . .A 'Guest Post'
Featuring Author, N.D. Jones

Of Beasts and Bonds
Death and Destiny Trilogy
Book 2
N.D. Jones
Genre: paranormal romance

Publisher: Kuumba Publishing
Date of Publication: August 18, 2016

ISBN: 9780997529333

Number of pages: 403

Cover Artist: Maduranga Nuwan

Book Description:

In a world of mystery and magic, sometimes old bonds must be broken before new ones can be formed. Who knew that finding one’s soul mate would test bonds and unleash beasts?

Mami Wata and Oya are now free from their watery prison and ready to wage a battle five hundred years in the making. Special Agent Assefa Berber and Dr. Sanura Williams are the prophesized Cat and Fire Witch of Legend. To save the world from Mami Wata, a water goddess with a bloody thirst for power and an insatiable appetite for death and destruction, they must defeat her beasts and the Water Witch of Legend.

Assefa and Sanura are fully in love but possess only a partial mate bond. While Sanura has merged their auras, bonding Assefa’s cat spirit to her, she has yet to accept his claiming bite. Their incomplete mate bond and their new relationship are tested when Mami Wata sets her malevolent eyes on them, manipulating beasts, sacrificing humans, and creating heartache. Can their bond survive, or will they drown under the vicious tide of godly might?

Book Trailer:

Amazon     BN      Kobo


With focused golden eyes, alert gray ears, and keen black snout, the Mngwa took in his surroundings. 

The prickly grass under his large, wide paws.

The heat of the midday sun beating down on his thick black-and-gray fur.

The scent of mullah bamyah—garlic, tomato juice, minced beef, okra, salt, and pepper.

The four snarling big cats stalking him.

Scanning each strong, lithe, and ferocious cat, the Mngwa cataloged their stance, their position, and the distance between each other and from the Mngwa. They flanked him, a large cat to his front, rear, and sides. If the Mngwa could smile, he would have. Foolishly, they thought their numbers a strategic advantage that would fell the undefeated Mngwa of myth and legend. Instead of a smile, he snarled, a baring of elongated teeth.

A challenge.

The four cats attacked, their bestial response to his bait.

Four sets of paws struck the ground, claws digging into grass and dirt, brawny legs propelling them forward. Razor-sharp teeth bared, husky growls cut through the muggy June air, and feline eyes glowed with a premature win.

The leopard reached the Mngwa first, snapping and going for the bigger cat’s neck. Not wasting time with the youngest of the four attackers, the Mngwa sidestepped the snarling, snapping leopard. To only pivot, turn, and ram the side of the too-slow feline with the Mngwa’s massive head. Away from the Mngwa the leopard flew, sailing through the air and crashing to the ground several feet away.

The three other cats spared no pitying glance to the downed leopard, who lay on his side, breathing labored and ragged. A sure sign of broken ribs.

More growls and snapping, each cat trying for a different part of the Mngwa’s massive body. The Mngwa was having none of it, so he went on the offensive. Leaping over the biggest threat, the Bengal tiger, the Mngwa landed nimbly, then ran straight at the cheetah. Taking the speckled feline by surprise, the Mngwa powered over the cat, knocking him down before hauling him up by his scrawny neck and shaking. The cheetah’s fragile neck was held firm between the Mngwa’s curved saber-shaped teeth.

When the Mngwa no longer felt resistance, he opened his deadly jaws and allowed the cheetah to fall from his brutal clutch and slip, nearly unconscious, to the waiting grass.

Smack. Bite.

The lion and tiger claimed simultaneous strikes on the Mngwa. A swipe across his hindquarters and a bite to his side. The lion latched onto the Mngwa, his lethal teeth working to find purchase in the cat of legend’s winter dense fur and even thicker hide.

Like the predator he was, the Bengal tiger charged while the Mngwa grappled with the formidable lion. A mix of yellow-and-orange with wide dark-brown stripes, the 510-pound tiger landed on top of the Mngwa. His weight hefty, his claws long, sharp, and dangerous. The maw that threatened his nape even deadlier.

The lion kept up his offensive, kept clawing, kept sinking his teeth in deeper and deeper.

The Mngwa roared, reared back on his hind legs, forcing the tiger off him and to the hard ground. With a side dive, the Mngwa dropped the entirety of his 695 pounds onto the 380-pound lion. His long, dark mane shot up and out with the force of the attack.

The downed lion snapped and snarled but didn’t get up. No, with the Mngwa looming over him, golden eyes marble hard, paw raised, claws out and within striking range of the lion’s throat, the feline had only two choices.

One would see him dead, while the other …

The lion lowered his eyes, and then his head. 


Pleased, the Mngwa shifted his gaze to the tiger, his other senses having tracked the big cat the entire time.

He knew it would come down to this—the Mngwa versus the Bengal tiger. It always did.

The big cats circled, taking each other’s measure. They searched for an opening, an opportunity to attack with the least probability of an effective and bruising counterattack. The combatants knew each other well—style of combat, defensive and offensive tactics.

Speed, size, and agility were on the Mngwa’s side. Yet, the toxin from an animal no longer than an inch, the golden poison frog could kill a dozen men. Its tiny size and bright colors deceiving. Not, at a length of 120 inches and 43 inches of shoulder height, with a tail just as long, there was anything small about the Bengal tiger baring his gleaming white teeth at the Mngwa.

The Mngwa underestimated no one—no matter the outward appearance of the enemy. Even the cat of legend, if incautious, could taste the bitter tang of defeat. So he watched and waited and plotted the tiger’s downfall.

The tiger charged, all muscle and menace. His long, powerful legs ate up the distance between them, determined copper eyes all for the Mngwa.

The cat of legend braced himself, choosing to face the big cat head-on. He wanted this fight, the primal challenge that only a great beast like the Bengal tiger could give him. A glorious battle of fangs, fur, and claws that would push, force, and compel the Mngwa to prove his worth, his manhood, his undisputed dominance as the predator of predators.


The ground shook - the Mngwa and tiger locked in a feral clench. 




Strong. The tiger was so strong. But not strong enough. 

The Mngwa opened his mouth wide and clamped down on fur and flesh. The neck of his opponent was thick with rigid muscles and delicate veins. The pulse of the tiger’s life a strong, fast throbbing beat in the Mngwa’s deadly mouth.

The tiger whimpered his pain. Neither loud nor long. But enough, enough for the Mngwa’s ears to detect the effect of his attack. Yet the tiger fought on, as the Mngwa knew he would. As the Mngwa wanted him to, the tiger too stubborn, courageous, and fierce to submit so easily.

No, there was much fight left in the Bengal tiger. 

He swiped at the Mngwa, vicious claws finding vulnerable underbelly and drawing blood. It hurt, but not enough for the bigger cat to release his vice grip. The Mngwa sank his teeth deeper into the side of the tiger’s neck, tasting blood and prideful were-cat magic.

Her gardenia scent slammed into his senses seconds before the Mngwa and the tiger were surrounded by a ring of raging fire. Breaking his hold on the smaller cat, the Mngwa turned to see an angry fire witch barreling toward them—green eyes cold, red-gold hair and long striped sundress blowing in a wind that came out of nowhere. Her deadly focus was all for the Bengal tiger who, unlike when he fought the Mngwa, trembled with fear. 

Lightning hissed.

Thunder growled.

And fire witch magic crackled in the blistering summer air.

Dammit, he had to do something and fast. Retreating as far as he could go within the cage of fire, the Mngwa propelled himself forward, accelerating when he approached the heated barrier and jumped. With ease, he cleared the four-foot high ring of fire and landed, with an oompf, on top of a glaring Sanura.

“I can’t believe you just—”

He licked her. From the front ring bodice of her green-and-orange striped dress, up her toned shoulders and around the tie neck, and into thick hair covering an ear, the Mngwa tasted his witch.

“Get off me, you big furball. I can’t breathe.”

Satisfied and comfortable, the Mngwa nuzzled his witch’s face, neck, and her heaving breasts, unfazed by Sanura’s angry protestations. The only part of him that pinned the witch down was his massive head and part of his chest. But, the Mngwa supposed, even that much weight could be heavy on a woman who, while five-feet-ten-inches tall, weighed no more than 140 pounds. With a teasing snort that had a lock of her wavy hair flying upward and out of her eye, the Mngwa decided it best to give the fire breathing witch some relief. 

With a single thought from Assefa—I’ll take care of our witch, my friend, go to sleep—the cat gave way to the man. A transformative effect where fur and hide succumbed to hair and skin, paws and claws shrank to hands and legs, and golden eyes, muzzle, and fangs retreated, waning under Assefa’s command.

“Is that better?” Assefa smiled down at his hot-tempered girlfriend, right before settling the whole of him on top of the whole of her.

Very nice. Sanura made for the best mattress—plush, lush and with the right amount of firmness.

“You’re naked.” A huffed complaint that did nothing to encourage Assefa to move off her.

“Of course. My Mngwa doesn’t like clothing.” He shifted on top of her, letting Sanura feel just how naked he was. “He thinks pants are too binding. What do you think?”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I think you need to worry more about that big damn tiger you were fighting rather than your Mngwa in boxers.”

Delectable Sin

“I’m going to disappoint you. But you knew that already.” The words, the rejection, came out as a brittle whisper, ethereal in the cool room but heavy with sweltering resolution. This had been a mistake. A huge but not irrevocable mistake.

She hoped.
She prayed.

Pulling the flat silken sheet up her body, wrinkled and smelling of musk, man, and momentary insanity, Erica covered flushed skin, pebbled nipples, and what was left of her dignity.

She didn’t dare look at him. She couldn’t. Not after what they’d almost done. 

Shame and guilt pierced already raw and open wounds, twin blades digging deep and lacerating all in their paths.

Her heart.
Her trust.
Her morality.

A week ago, Michael had shredded the first two, leaving them a mangled, bleeding mess in the wake of his crushing confession. The third, well, Erica could place the blame at Michael’s lying, cheating feet as well. But she wouldn’t. No matter that this planned night of sex and revenge seemed like a good idea a day ago.

Pain for pain.

“If it’d make you feel better, make us even, have a one-night stand.” Her husband’s brown eyes had bored into Erica with open challenge and unhidden guilt. “It’s what I deserve, to know that you gave yourself to another man. The way I gave myself to another woman.”

He hadn’t meant it, Erica knew. The guilt, yeah, that damn sure had been real. The tears, also real. The pleading for her not to leave him, to not “break up our family,” well, that had been fucking rich coming from a man who’d screwed a college student who had come “highly recommended” from a temporary staffing agency.

She almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. In truth, she wanted to curl herself into a tight ball and cry until the pain went far, far away.

A warm, tender thumb wiped away tears—a summer drizzle that forecasted a winter squall. Without thinking, but needing comfort, Erica took greedy shelter in Wesley’s strong, supportive arms. Where she wept. 

A deluge of pathetic tears.

A wellspring of discarded vows and broken faith.

Holding her tightly and as naked as Erica, Wesley’s scent surrounded her. Boss No. 6, a commanding scent made for the confident man. And Wesley, Erica’s “work husband,” as their colleagues referred to him, exuded confidence unlike any other man she’d known.

“I can kick Michael’s ass for you,” Wesley had said yesterday, his tone deep, low, and coarse with dangerous intent. “Or I can give you one hell of a night. A night you’ll never forget.”

Erica had blinked up at him, unsure she’d heard the man correctly. Steely dark-brown eyes stared right back, unwavering in his illicit offer.

At that moment, in Wesley, Erica saw only the source of her revenge. After all, Michael had given her “permission” to sleep with another man. And Wesley was damn sure male—intelligent and sexy as post-marital sin. She hadn’t regretted confiding in her friend. Not then, and not now. 

“He’s a fool, and doesn’t deserve you.” He kissed the top of her head, a sweet gesture that had Erica burrowing deeper into Wesley’s tear-soaked chest. “Since revenge sex is off the table, that leaves only a good ole fashion ass whippin’.”

Despite herself, Erica smiled. This man was good for her bruised pride and gouged-out soul. 

She raised her head, found his lips, and placed a thankful kiss upon them.


When she untangled herself from his arms and the sheets, pushing out of bed then sliding into clothing removed with eager, masculine fingers, Wesley let her go. He said nothing, yet his too-knowing eyes tracked Erica’s every movement. 

A patient predator. 

She shivered, grabbed her purse and keys, and fled the motel. She would neither allow Michael to absolve his guilt by dragging her into the infidelity mire with him nor use Wesley as a tool for revenge. 

I’m going to disappoint you. But you knew that already. She’d uttered those words to Wesley, but they’d also been for the scorned woman inside. 

Closing exhausted eyes, Erica sat in her car, not yet ready to return home and face her cheating husband. She thought about his lies, late nights, and lethargy—all signs of a man having an affair. But she’d been too blind and too busy to notice. 

What a fool I was. I should’ve learned my lesson the first time. Now look at me. 

Her cell beeped, alerting Erica to a text message. Grabbing the phone from the purse she’d tossed onto the passenger seat, she hit the screen and brought the phone to life. Tapping the yellow email icon, she waited for the message to appear on the brightly lit screen. It took all of two seconds, but she needed only one to know who had texted her.

Stop sitting in your car and cum back inside.

Oh but Wesley was a delectable sin. His cum instead of come had Erica peering out her driver’s side window and across the small motel parking lot. While all was quiet and dark, Erica the only fool sitting in her car at midnight on Halloween, the light from a single opened door drew her gaze.

A tall, dark figure stood in the doorway, his scrumptious body nude and cast in silhouette. Damn, she really needed to start her car and drive the hell away from this motel of lust and temptation. And what did it say about her that she was enticed so easily, or that she’d savored Wesley’s sweet kisses but rough, covetous hands?

She knew. Of course, she knew.

Erica climbed out of her car, cell phone in hand, purse on her shoulder. Striding across the parking lot and towards the man whose lurid and raw sex appeal drew her in, Erica didn’t stop until she reached room sixty-six. 

“I knew you’d be back.”

Wesley flashed perfect white teeth, wrapped an arm around her pulsing wrist and pulled Erica inside. Four seconds later, she was against the closed motel room door, dress up to her waist, Wesley’s hand on her heated, womanly flesh, and those perfect white teeth of his in her throat—sucking, drinking, and—yes, yes—making her cum.

Tomorrow, when she saw Wesley at work, Erica would tell herself she’d been enthralled by a charismatic vampire. When Michael asked about tonight, she’d tell him the same.

But they would be lies, excuses, and emotional absolutions for a woman who knew better but chose not to be better.

Wesley dropped to his knees, then stared up at her with eyes gone white and wicked. Fangs distended, he licked her blood from the tips and whispered, “I knew you’d taste good.” With a wink, he tugged her down, then nodded at his... “Now taste me.”

Oh, she did. And the route to Hell had never been so mouth-wateringly delicious.


About the Author:

N. D. Jones lives in Maryland with her husband and two children. She is the founder of Kuumba Publishing, an art, audiobook, eBook, and paperback company. Kuumba Publishing is a forum for creativity, with a special commitment to promoting and encouraging creative works of authors and artists of African descent.

A desire to see more novels with positive, sexy, and three-dimensional African American characters as soul mates, friends, and lovers, inspired the author to take on the challenge of penning such romantic reads. She is the author of two paranormal romance series: Winged Warriors and Death and Destiny. N.D. likes to read historical and paranormal romance novels, as well as comics and manga.


Tour Giveaway

3 Death and Destiny (Novels With Soul) Packages

Package will include autographed copies of “Of Fear and Faith” and “Of Beasts and Bonds,” as well as a 4x6 art print design by Najja Creations of Kuumba Publishing. Contestants (winners) may select from one of six designs.

$50 Amazon Kindle gift card, Signed copy of "Of Fear and Faith" and "Of Beasts and Bonds," art print by Najja Creations

$30 Amazon Kindle gift card + eBook copy of "Of Fear and Faith" and "Of Beasts and Bonds" 

$20 Amazon Kindle gift card + eBook copy of "Of Beasts and Bonds"

Brought to You By:

Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet/Reviewer

Thursday, August 18, 2016

#Guest #Post...Yeager's Mission. . .#BookBoost #Promo

Guest Post Featuring Author, Scott Bell

Yeager's Mission
By Scott Bell
Genre: Thriller, Suspense

After a number of earthquakes hammer the Sierra Madre region of Mexico, Grupo Verdugo, a splinter group of cartel enforcers, takes control of the drug shipping routes through that territory. Caught in the middle, a small orphanage high in the mountains, desperate for supplies to care for the children and the battered earthquake victims, reaches out to Abel Yeager for help.

Yeager and his friend Victor agree to deliver the needed food and medicine. But Grupo Verdugo seems to have a special interest in starving out the clergy and forcing them to bend to their will. They send a man known as the Executioner to stop anyone daring to assist the people.

Yeager and Victor are in for the biggest fight of their lives as they are forced to move forty children, a dozen sick and injured patients, and one feisty doctor out of the mission and through mountains infested with vicious killers.

Author Bio

Scott Bell has over 25 years of experience protecting the assets of retail companies. He holds a degree in Criminal Justice from North Texas State University. 

With the kids grown and time on his hands, Scott turned back to his first love—writing. His short stories have been published in The Western Online, Cast of Wonders, and in the anthology, Desolation. 

When he’s not writing, Scott is on the eternal quest to answer the question: What would John Wayne do?


Watching the Olympic Games is both exhilarating and amazing. To see humans achieve feats of athletic prowess so far beyond the ability of the average person fills you with wonder. Gymnasts quadruple somersault and twist into little balls of muscle that pop upright with arms spread. Swimmers cut water like dolphins. Runners melt the track, achieving speeds only once dreamed of.

All these athletes are astonishing. Even the speed walkers.

I’m never going to participate in an Olympics. Never would have come close, even in my days of flat stomach and endless stamina. Which is a shame.

I think there needs to be an Olympics for average people, something in which we can compete and hope to have a chance at winning. So here it is.

The Average Games

The first event: Getting out of bed. This event requires both coordination and massive will power. Contestants are judged on hitting the snooze button accurately and with proper force to insure minimal sleep disruption. Two snooze strikes without waking is the goal. Groaning and throwing off the covers require finesse and participants will be judged on technique and tonal quality. Whispers about the East German’s use of sleep-enhancing drugs have been put to bed for now.

Next up: Commuting. Drivers will be tested on applying makeup, drinking coffee, and eating a McDonald’s breakfast sandwich while operating their motor vehicle in stop-and-go traffic. Points deducted for lap stains. Contestants from New York City will not be allowed to use their horns, giving them a distinct handicap.

Another event under consideration: Parenting. Contestants will be seated in a quiet room with an interesting TV show. Children will be injected into the room after having ingested a bowl of Fruit Loops, six glasses of orange juice, and a case of Red Bull. The contestant who lasts the longest without going total bugnuts insane wins.

Finally, Bill Paying. Contests juggle an assortment of outrageous charges from cable companies, power companies, department stores, and mortgage companies while managing a thin dribble of funds into their bank accounts. These funds will be randomly impacted by dentists, car repair shops, and roof leaks.

Unfortunately, gold medalists in these events typically wind up old, gray, and bent.

Suddenly, I think I want to learn how to pole vault instead.


On Red Adept:

Brought to You By:

Kimberly Ranee Hicks, Author/Poet/Reviewer
Blog Mistress: Mello & June, It's a Book Thang!